When I first entered Federal Prison, a woman who had served 19 years, told me that you could not live in both spaces; Federal Prison and in the free world, she warned that it would make you crazy. I beg to differ.
This mindset potentially keeps us from realizing our goals while incarcerated and forges us into a captivity of the mind.
Michael Santos says that if we are the CEO of our own life, and now that he has described what that looks like, I believe I fit the bill. He says we are to build a board of directors, and for me, this was key.
RDAP and other fancy programs here call that a , “support net “. In one of the RDAP aftercare workbooks it shows a huge fishing net where there are key players in your life that bring comfort, love, wisdom, guidance and give you a space to foster positive attitudes such as honesty, optimism and humility.
When I reflected on my life pre-arrest, it was the lack of honesty in the truest connections of my life that allowed me to fall so far. I looked back and identified numerous moments when, if I had picked up the phone at that moment; in the downward spiral, the outcome may have been quite different.
In order to achieve our goals it’s important to have an accountability partner in this big complex world. Whether it be in the midst of the attempt to loose 20 lbs., stay sober, learn to become financially responsible, or plan for the future, or in any other effort to trade out an old unhealthy behavior into a new beautiful, healthy habit.
I am so grateful that those same individuals are still around. Our relationships are now strong and honest.
The principle foundation of the PEER SUCCESS PROGRAM is that, ” whatever you focus your attention on is what grows in you life. ” In line with that principle, there are all these beautiful side benefits, a flow of love is born.
-You restore your relationships and learn how to build and maintain healthy relationships, voila- more beautiful relationships flow into your life.
Contrary to what the woman told me, I found the natural order was to become a bridge where I was able to connect my board of directors and the wisdom and love they gave to folks here who were fishing alone or perhaps who didn’t know how to fish.
In my wellness and in my truth, I was able to find a kind of passion that many folks miss in this new, cheap, instant gratification, modern day lifestyle.
I had the most beautiful conversation with a woman whom I have been mentoring, she who is filling some big shoes when I leave. Here is what we were on:
The back ground is where some of our mentors in the PEER SUCCESS PROGRAM signed on with a motive that was purely self- advancing. Some perhaps had a parole hearing coming up or paperwork in the courts and while they may be super capable of maintaining the role of mentor or perhaps even leader, they lacked passion.
Rumi says that, ” passion is power and that on the day of reckoning, if you have not had passion, you will not be counted.”
Santos recently asked a few questions that lined up perfectly with my agenda here; I mimicked his words in my opening speech for the 90 Day Challenge Kickoff:
” What sacrifices are you willing to make to create the future you see for yourself? “
When I look back at my journey here, only I can identify the exact sacrifices I made; our paths are so unique.
One of the most beautiful outcomes from journaling is that we are able to look back and truly see how we have changed in different ways. I came here with a false sense of pride, aka, my ego was off balance. For me, I see a path where at the time, I sacrificed what I thought to be my pride but it was like jumping off the dock when the water is cold.
There were other times here when I made sacrifices on that same note. Like when someone was in my face and making my pulse rapid and the easy, ego- driven move, my impulsive old self, would have reacted with psycho force. My new tamed -ego- self was able to take a deep breath, think about the consequences and refrain from reacting.
Sometimes this is what sacrifice looks like on the road to better wellness. To wholeness and balance.
” What truly matters to you? “
I love that he asks this question because so many people I have met here really don’t have an answer for this. For me, it was when my life became so off balance that I really lost sight of what I valued. Federal Prison gives you the space to really see what it is that matters. What matters to me are the connections of my life and wellness in all the dimensions of the wheel.
” How does this align with the way you are living your life today? “
Today, my actions are always in line with my goals for tomorrow or for the most beautiful, “right now”.
” When faced with adversity, how do you maintain your focus on long term goals not immediate frustrations?
My entire life, I have been so reckless with my words, impulsive with my actions and selfish in my motives. Now that I have translated these negatives for better more loving, graceful and community-minded ways, I am slower to anger, slower to respond and more quick to take a breath. I am faced with adversity almost daily here, and I have been able to keep my head in 99% of those situations.
I celebrate that this difficult environment is like the refiner’s fire.
“Are the decisions you’re making each day guided by your core values, or are they influenced by external pressures?”
This question brings me back to the story of the conversation with my friend. For many years on this compound, she lived a hopeless life. Thinking she would never leave here, with no sense of self or true purpose she found a identity in being a drug dealer. She couldn’t see the end of here sentence, had no vision of life after here.
As I type this, I recall my friend Bob and the words he spoke to me when I was on my downward spiral he said, “you are so much more sexy when you are talking about art and making art then you are when you are all about the drugs.”
You see, my friend is an artist and now, she has walked away from the the plastic, toxicities of this world and is discovering the beauty of community and wellness, and the benefits of the flow of love.
