Last Summer, the EPOCH TIMES featured an article offering practical guidance on parenting from a former Secret Service Agent named EVY PAUMPOURAS. Evy recently wrote a book called, BECOMING BULLETPROOF.
Evy’s advice reminded me of a seminar I attended in Austin Tx. at least 12 years ago where a huge room of child psychologists and psychiatrists all came together to address the serious issue of, ” the hand held device ” and how this new thing was cutting into the natural order of the maternal bond- or the parental bond.
The author gives 6 strategies:
1. Say No to Screens
Ms.. Poumpouras says this is an absolute no, she backs up the information I learned in the seminar and states that screens alone affect children’s attention span and mental development.
I remember when I was young, we only had like 4 channels and I was only allowed to watch PBS. If I can clearly recall the details of the skits on Sesame Street, there is something to be said for this imprint on the amygdala.
She gives a great example – ” If the device has an internet connection, there are safety concerns that compare to dropping off a child in the middle of Times Square in NYC and lettings him talk to whomever he wants. If you aren’t comfortable with that, then you shouldn’t be comfortable with giving them a phone with internet access. “
She says if strangers can talk to your child online, they pose two types of danger. They could be a predator trying to lure your child to a place of abuse, or they can influence your child, telling them what to think or believe.
This is where the maternal bond becomes the most broken. When a child begins a pattern of looking to the web for answers as opposed to the kitchen table, your household is disrupted.
The things I learned from my grandmother at her kitchen table, or from my aunts, mother and great grandmother, are all a vast file of knowledge, in part, that is the fabric of who I am at my core. Today, I have been sewing, something my grandmother taught me. The kindness I have for others, my inability to become bored, both were the great mimic of the women who reared me.
Evy goes on to say, ” It’s already hard enough to be that voice of reason for your kid. Now you’ve introduced outside entities
that you can’t control.” Her advice is to wait until the child is old enough to understand who they should listen to and what to avoid before letting them on a device, and then still, monitoring usage and interactions.
I can’t tell you, sitting here in Federal Prison, how many women are here for doing elicit things on the internet which involved children, luring children and exploiting children. This is not just something on Lifetime, we are living in very scary times and the danger should be more clear.
2. Build Their Confidence
I agree so strongly with Evy when she states that having self- confidence. When I look back at the times in my life when I was victimized and what it took to become whole again, confidence is the key factor to becoming a strong person, the two are woven together. My heart sings that my nieces are involved in activities that will give them this deep rooted security in themselves.
Evy suggest acting classes and martial arts. I wonder if technology extends to a system to where you can watch your children in those activities by logging in to the camera in the rooms…if not, someone should make that a thing.
She makes the best point when she said, ” I don’t want the first time something happens to her to be in real life on the street ” She goes on to say, ” there is no greater gift you can give your kid than to know that they can handle something or have the ability to handle something. “
3. ( Is my favorite ) Teach Them to Trust Their Guts
She says that the best way to teach your children to trust their intuition is by showing them how. She also points out that children usually have better intuition than adults. She says to teach them to trust it and to never force them to go places they don’t want to go. Don’t assume they are trying to get out of something.
When I look back, I remember being so desperate to avoid going to the family member’s house where I was being assaulted.
And no one listened, which crushed my spirit and made me not trust anyone.
Instead, ask them if they feel something is wrong. This requires them to feel comfortable talking to you and creating safe space is part of an ongoing process.
Ms.. Poumpouras says that based on her experience as an interrogator for the Secret Service elite polygraph unit, you should ask your children questions that don’t sound like questions. Ask them how their day was- if they are complaining about someone like a teacher, get more information.
4. Think Twice About Sleepovers
Evy says that if you are going to let your children sleep over, this is a hard no for her btw, but that if you must, be certain that you know the people really well.
Hearing the stories here has made me side with her. I am here with a woman who was a scout leader, one who worked at Disney, teachers, counselors, the list is long. No one can be trusted in this world with your most vulnerable family members.
5. Be Careful in Crowded Places
The article says that, ‘ even though child abductions by strangers are rarer- 59 of the 181 Amber alerts issued in 2022 were for children abducted by non- family members- parents should steill be aware when going out with their children to a crowded place. In particular amusement parks and other child-friendly places attract predators.
Teach your children to identify exit doors, and that if something happens, such as if someone tries to kidnap them or there’s an emergency they should run. Poumpouras says to teach them in a way that they are not afraid. Remember they learn from you so don’t project fear when you are training them.
Make sure they have your phone number memorized and know their home address by heart.
6. Teach Them What to Do in Case of Assault
Developing your child’s intuition and being aware of their surroundings can greatly prevent assaults, but they can still be approached by someone following them or trying to talk to them. It’s important to teach them that no matter what, if someone tries to put a hand on them they should scream, bit, kick, fight, claw, whatever it takes.
She ends the article by saying, ” it’s about helping you make empowered choices rather than letting fear run the show.”
I recently did a pod cast about how we come to this; it was my observation that, especially when you have vast resources like P. Diddy or any other number of folks who are living so incredibly large- you become insatiable. Everyone in our society seems to be so self serving, chasing rainbows – it occurs to me that one of our biggest problems is that we have these entire generations who have been given everything at the click of a button, not just fast food but door dash, making them so entirely shallow and filled with vanity that they attempt to get their kicks in a zillion Ticks of the Tock.
There are few things I can boast but for sure, no pets or children were harmed in the making of my crazy movie.
Now, I teach women how to parent from prison- doing my best to teach them all of the beautiful things I have learned by studying and more than that, I try to pass down all the things I learned at my grandmother’s kitchen table.
In this world of influencers, let that be your most important platform.
Happy Holidays.
