In the very beginning of Brene Brown’s book, THE GIFTS OF IMPERFECTION, she shares a wisdom that I have talked about my entire adult life, she says: ” Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we will ever do.” The thing is, I was able to own my story but it took many more years to learn how to truly love myself.
In the month of November, I am asking the Mentors in the PEER SUCCESS to develop their PERSONAL MISSION STATEMENTS. Once we are able to put that down on paper, then we can begin the research and development that leads towards reaching that ultimate goal.
Part of my personal mission statement is to spend a lifetime helping others to “own their story and love themselves”.
Here at Aliceville, we are waiting on a new recreation director to arrive. My hope is that she will allow me to host a book club/writing club in one of the rooms at rec twice a month. Education is full but I think we can find a space at rec if we try. We could do it in the middle of a field if we had to.
The power of combining the two is that this is where we can find our perspective, create common ground when reading things that allow us the space to have an opinion, learn the beauty of civil debate, then we often begin to discover how to express ourselves; this is the pathway to owning our own story.
Perhaps then we can turn that story into a painting, a song, or a dance.
So often here, the women don’t participate in things because they lack the self esteem to find courage and just do stuff.
That fear of imperfection is what holds them back. Brene says this keeps them from living a WHOLEHEARTED LIFE.
I can relate to this. I exhausted myself for so many years, burning the candle at both ends trying so hard to find these little moments of perfection, but they weren’t real.
I never dreamed I could be as well rounded and whole hearted, as I am now.
Brene says, ” Wholehearted living is about engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness. It means cultivating the courage, compassion, and connection to wake up in the morning and think, NO MATTER WHAT GETS DONE AND HOW MUCH IS LEFT UNDONE, I AM ENOUGH. It’s going to bed at night thinking, yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn’t change the truth that I am also brave and worthy of love and belonging.”
I found worthiness in federal prison from delving deep into myself and doing the hard work of becoming truly authentic. Meeting each day with purpose and making an honest effort to sort out the matters of my heart through each INHALE AND EXHALE.
The formula was simple; I learned how to establish healthy boundaries, I developed healthy coping skills, I made a schedule that filled my days with the facets of the 8 dimensions of wellness. The more I focused on those new healthy habits and the schedule that honored the various spokes of the wheel, the more my negative associates, habits and behaviors, fell by the wayside.
In the end, I fell in love with my beautiful self.
Now, love flows over into all the other relationships of my life and allows me to be productive in a way that I never could have been when I was hung up on being perfect and less than authentic.
Coming into my tenth year, I look back and I see where there were people who were in contact with me at the beginning who now have lost touch with and there was a time in my life when I would have allowed this to be a source of destruction. I look back at my life and in my most authentic way, I can admit that I almost looked for reasons to fall into depression, ” the blame game”, made it easier to fall short of my insane idea of perfection. Now I have the strength and wisdom to be grateful that they were there when I needed them the most.
Last week, in the DOMESTIC VIOLENCE EVENT, in the circle that I hosted, SELF LOVE YOGA AND MEDITAION- I used a pattern from Brene.
Brown suggests that if you are feeling depressed or off your game to go by the vowel check: AEIOUY
A= Have you been Abstinent today? ( however you define that : food , work, computer. )
E= Have you Exercised today?
I= What have I done for myself today?
O= What have I done for Others today?
U= Am I holding on to Unexpressed emotions today?
Y= Yeah! What is something good that’s happening today?
Personally, I have had so many days where all this was wound into one beautiful menagerie:
For so much of my life in this past 10 years, I have led a workout (E ) group ( O )
where I had a challenging workout myself ( I )
and at the end of each workout, I always led them into yoga where we began with the question, ” think about what you are grateful for in this moment ” (Y)
Inhale and Exhale.
