When I came out of the SHU yesterday, the grass seemed so much greener. I am now in a room overlooking the native circle, where two years ago I planted box shrubs- they need training and I put this on my very long list of things to do this week.
On Wed. we have a re-entry, ” Santos Bio workshop “. I shall be taking the bios they wrote originally and helping them to reconstruct them in a way that will help to shine light on their talents in a transferrable, real world, workplace, business savvy way.
As with so many things, life is never quite what it may seem. I believe that everything is always working for the best, as long as we are doing the right thing; perhaps if our motives are pure, but more importantly, no matter what happens, it isn’t what happens, it’s how we take it.
I needed a rest and I would have never taken respite on my own. Voila.
The First Step Act calls for us to do things in prison which can be deemed, ” extraordinary and compelling “.
I believe that is how I have always lived my life, ” over the top “. I have certainly been called, “extra”.
When I read Piper Kerman’s book, ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK, she warned of one, very dangerous, threat in the female BOP, JEALOUSY.
I took her advice and tried to lay low, not shine too bright or as Rudyard Kipling says in “IF”: ‘don’t look too good nor talk too wise’.
Last week, when we had our PEER SUCCESS TRAINING EVENT, I got caught between the call to do things extraordinary and compelling and my effort to lay low. Thankfully, when things got crazy, my reputation proceeded me.
Just thinking about that is mind blowing to me. No one here could ever imagine that I lived a life where I didn’t really care enough about my reputation, in my youth I was reckless. I honestly never dreamed I would live past 40 and I lived it the way I wanted. Yes, in my older years I had a good reputation in business, with clients and other business folks but I never had the ability to walk away from danger. I am sure I was the life of the party.
I lived my entire life on Texas Parole, from the time I was 21 until I was 27 I was in Texas prison for selling a small amount of coke to an undercover, I had 20 years of paper to follow. Looking back, I can recall times when good clients or employees found out about my criminal history and lost trust in me, so I had to be the best at whatever it was I was doing. Extraordinary.
There were times though when I became discouraged and decided to be the gangster that Texas had labeled me as. Now, as the director of the PEER SUCCESS TEAM, I am able to be more mindful of how we label one another. Not only that, but how we label ourselves.
Words are powerful, my Bunkie in the SHU had a host of labels she claimed for herself, HER ASTHMA, HER PSYROSSIS, HER HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE, the list was so long; she coughed all night.
She had just arrived here and was certain that she could not do 8 months on this compound. Eight little months to the door but her attitude would not allow her to find gratitude. She was making herself sick about it. We talked so much and she is ready to go back to the compound and do her best.
I realize that our PEER SUCCESS TEAMS need to do a better job or helping new arrivals to adjust.
There were certainly times in my life when I could have had a better attitude. My biggest struggle, in retrospect, is that I have never had a healthy sense of fear. I thought that sounded like something out of Sunday school, not real life.
It was here in Federal Prison, in RDAP, that I learned to control my thoughts and how I respond rationally in all situations.
We learned the importance of what they refer to as the 8 positve attitudes, HONESTY, INTEGRITY, OPTIMISM, to name a few.
There was a time in my life where I had to always look in the rear view mirror, certain that I was being followed. That sort of thing can become a way of life. There is so much peace in living an honest life, where you know that you are above reproach on any serious level.
My actions speak loader than my words.
Sitting in the SHU, I was able to see clearly, the error of my ways- as only I can determine. I am have the ear of wise counsel here and yet, I didn’t seek their advice as to what to do when the situation began after the training seminar.
A wise leader always seeks advice from experts.
You see, anew days before, the day after the seminar, there was a woman bragging about how she was going to, ” take me down a few notches”. I felt the weird vibe but certainly didn’t take it seriously, I refuse to hate or consume myself with negativity.
I took the time in the SHU to rest and reset, clear my mind and focus on what I am grateful for- there is so much.
So much work to do.
The holidays can be a difficult time here, so our PEER SUCCESS TEAM has a calendar full of events to fill the space with positivity.
I will also be planning a community garden or something cool like that. I plan to submit several options for the Warden to chose from. I believe it was in Dale Carnegie’s book, HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE, I learned that if you want something, or want to sell something, always give several options, all which are a win for your agenda.
With the gardens here, that is crucial because there are all these rules that keep us from blocking visuals or window or whatever.
I had detailed the crusty, weathered old rose bushes before I left last week, the rain brought the beautiful red shoots of nongrowth- transforming the bushes into something, from a slight distance, more like they were of the Japanese maple variety. The wandering Jew is the dominant lovely of the gardens this time of year- their little violet flowers are delicately popping out.
The dandelions are rich and plentiful and delicious from so much rain. I plan to eat as many as I can in store for the winter and to replenish my body after a hot summer without them. Dandelions are my best idea here, the only thing I can pluck from the earth that acts a medicine to counteract the terrible diet here. They are delicious!
Up in my new room, I have the table covered in fresh koshered dandelions and this afternoon I plan to add jarred peppers with a bit of Italian seasoning, lemon and olive oil, perhaps a package of mackerel.
Life can be so sweet, if you allow it to be.
It takes the valley to appreciate the hills. Having been in the SHU, the feel of the wind and the sight of the green grass, is even sweeter.