Journal Entry: Celeste Monette Blair-02/02/2025-BRINKMANSHIP

Journal Entry

Santos recently reconnected me with a word that brought back so many memories, prompting me to take another close
look at my life and how I have transformed.

BRINKMANSHIP: noun 1956: the art of practice of pushing a dangerous situation or confrontation to the limit of safety esp…. to force a designed outcome. GAMEMANSHIP

I love the fact that our skills are art, if we chose to weave them into the tapestry of our being. It all become part of our skillset.

When I read this definition, my first thought was of the poem, “IF”- my guide, where Kipling says, ” if you are willing to risk it on one turn of pitch-n- toss and never breath a word about your loss. This is risk without design.

My next thought was of my daddy, so many moments etched in my mind would be considered dangerous; these were the times that made me more courageous as a person.

One evening in the Caribbean, the sun was a sliver above the black water and everyone had been drinking and listening to music. We were sailing strong. Full sail, “booking it”, is how daddy would have described it. I never missed a beat, I watched him like a hawk, never knowing what he would do next. I was curious to see what he was up to when he tied the heavy nylon rope into the hole where the windsurf sail fit into the board, and tossed it over the back of the ship. Then he scooped up Kia, our white chow dog, and jumped. All I heard was laughter as they splashed into the water.

Now, by design and at the limit of safety, a dangerous situation became a perfect training escapade as the crew ( tipsy as they were ) had to figure out what to do in a real big hurry.

I thought back to the Maritime Laws and how when you take someone on your ship, as captain, you are responsible for that person.

An important thought crossed my mind. When you are ‘pushing a dangerous situation to the limit of safety to force a designed outcome, surely there are rules- “ethics”.

1) You must always factor in how, if you go beyond the limit, the effort shan’t negatively effect anyone else.
a. unless you have communicated the possible negative outcome and potentially effected parties are in agreement
to join in the risk.
b. that you are in the position to clean up whatever mess you make in the very worst-case-scenario.

When someone walks onto a ship, they trust the captain to make the best decisions for their safe passage.

Safe, from the BRINK OF DESTRUCTION.

In my youth, my master plans took no notice of collateral damage; I was always attempting to force a designed outcome.

I find it terribly interesting that the last word in the definition is: GAMEMANSHIP

Oscar Wilde said we should, ” learn to behave from those who cannot “.

In this way, I have seen droves of women doing their time, living their lives as if it is a game. They have no design, no endgame in sight.

Once upon a time, someone who knew me quite well, said this of me: ” Celeste is the type of person who likes to push things to the edge, smile, and laugh as they fall.

For so many years I took this as a compliment. Now that I have spent years refining my character, I am slow to respond, slow to anger, and quick to play the tape all the way through.

I remember one day on NPR I heard a story about how only like half the population ‘ get the big picture ‘. Not everyone has that same full scope. Some of us are visionaries.

Being a visionary often involves a degree of BRINKMANSHIP. The key is in the design.

I think the vision I associate best with this word is one where I stand before a canvas, a wall or the side of a building; having been pre-paid and operating on a deadline; with the objective to produce a custom piece of art by my design.

I stand there trusting myself, my own creative prowess, to mix the right colors with the proper amount of pressure on the brush, the perfect flow.

The flow is what I have always known to trust. Daddy trusted his relationship with the sea, I trust mine with the creativity that his boldness inspired in me.

The woman I am today understands this: When your vision is righteous,you see the path in front of you and you trust the flow. The flow is the perfect design that you have already seen in your mind and you trust that all things are working with you. I have been planning and working, turning the other cheek and putting one foot in front of the other towards my best outcome. Now, I am on the brink of LEAVING.