What kept me humble this morning; hyper-aware that I am in prison and this is a place of punishment, not comfort; was the fact that my first task is no longer as easy as walking across a dayroom in order to get hot water from a dispenser so that I can make an instant cup of morning coffee nectar, no now I have to figure it out. The good news is that someone, in the true spirit of capitalism, sometimes brings it in a trash bag and if I look for her to cross the sidewalk down below my window, I can be her first purchaser at the door.
My darling friends in A building have not had hot water in the showers since November, so I do feel so much gratitude for the facet that gets warm/almost hot.
I am getting the pep back in my step, I noticed last night that we are not being berated and accosted on every corner by officers, for whatever beautiful reason. I may be able to get off this stress loop just yet.
I do a little yoga and head out to work call around 7:30 am.
In the book BURNOUT, the author gives the best definition of wellness- “the freedom to move fluidly through the cycles of being human. Wellness is thus not a state of being, it’s a state of action”.
When the book goes on to say that, ” self compassion and gratitude empower us to recognize the e difference between who we are and who the world expects us to be ( or in my case, who the prison insists I be ) , without beating ourselves up or shutting ourselves off from the world” I know the power to live a beautiful life lies within and relies on the schedule that I keep here, how I take it- whatever it may be in the moment.
Breathe
I am able to work out in the garden and reap the benefits of connecting with nature, without imminent threat of being thrown off by someone’s bad vibes. I set healthy boundaries in place- pulled my hoola hoop up to my waist where sometimes it slips. I reconnected with the mantra, “it’s not what happens, it’s how you take it”. Sometimes I don’t do that great, but the sweet spot of life is that each new morning, we get a fresh chance at everything short of walking out the gate.
It was just about freezing out there today. I am loving the roses down to the framework for next spring; doing a wellness check.
There are 4 or 5 large rose bushes that sit on the edge of a high traffic walkway; whereas a person walking by cannot really stop to smell them, or to pick one, they sort of grab them as they scurry by.
Roses are funny, much like the divas that adore them, they don’t like to be,” snatched”. It makes their thorns brittle and erratic. I found such truth in loving on them today. Thinking about the times in my life when I grew brittle and my life was erratic as the result of poor handling. I was reactionary.
Commissary day! I was able to get all sorts of good stuff to put in the dandelions! Popcorn for the water girl!
The bulletin for the Doula program was misleading, the truth was, the list was for us to go fill out an application and the class was chosen from then. I was told that I wasn’t chosen in this round, as I have time left of my sentence to do it next time and there were women who didn’t. Programs here almost always go by the out date. I was told I am on the list for the next class- next year.
I remember how I used to be so emotional, so irrational. I took things hard. I would have seen the answer as some personal jab or rejection. Now I see it as the fact that I need to focus on the other things I have on my desk, or in my basket. I find true gratitude for the fact that all things are working in my favor, my ancestors are nudging me to other points of purpose.
The dandelions are crazy good right now. The new yard boss, in an attempt to keep the girls busy out there in the winter, with no grass to mow or birds to clean up after, has told the compound girls to pull the dandelions. He doesn’t know they have been picking them for me for the longest time.
Last night, my lovely cellmate, Priscilla, cleaned the dandelions and I made a salad. Thankfully, we have the greens to eat raw, when we no longer have a method of cooking. I used gouda, lemon, olive oil, garlic, honey, Italian seasoning and pepper juice ( meaning the liquid in the jalapeno jar ) and whipped it all together to make like this Ceaser consistency to fold the greens into. For mine, I added tuna. Everyone else had pepperoni. I topped it with jalapenos and broken pretzels.
I cannot express my gratitude, all these years, for having dandelions within my reach. A few years back we had a warden come along and she tried to poison them, as you may recall, but she didn’t even stay full term and the yard never got poisoned again. I am a firm believer that wherever you find yourself, your job is to forage the area and see what is available for sustenance.
By the end of the day, I had a think tank meeting where we talked about our goal setting workshops and did unit check-ins. I was able to stand up on my soap box for just a minute, when some of the Team Leaders expressed how the participants in their units are wanting to know what incentive they get for participating. Let me see, we help you learn to spend your days more wisely; workout, create a reentry plan, connect with your children and perhaps learn how to be more emotionally intelligent, help you learn to write a book report, put together a business plan or whatever and you want us to give you an incentive? Oh this generation is rich.
Priscilla greeted me with tostadas topped with more dandelion salad.
This is how you have a pretty great day in the feds.
