I am reading EARNING FREEDOM, by Michael Santos
It’s been a long time since I have found myself as motivated and encouraged by another person. It’s been even longer since I have been impressed by a male, a former prisoner.
While reading his book, EARNING FREEDOM, I constantly find myself wanting to stand at a white board, draw two overlapping circles and begin a game of compare and contrast.
In the beginning of the book, he reflects on the writings of Nietzsche, Jean Paul Sarte and Albert Camus; he impresses me and I see a first parallel when he says, ” Regardless of what social exposures influenced my judgements, values, and actions, my ego, greed and shortsightedness caused my problems.
The other comparison I draw in the very beginning is how he saw the immediate and absolute reformation of himself as his only way to make amends to his family for the wreckage that his choices left them with. Whereas I didn’t involve my family in my situation, I embarrassed them and broke their hearts. Now, I am unable to help them as a daughter, an aunt, a niece, a sister-in-law. Each day, my actions are motivated by becoming the best version of myself, so as not to add insult to injury. With each paper I write, each new idea that I pursue with vigor, I know it eases their minds and allows them to know that I am ok, living a life of purpose.
I would like to believe that even if I had no family, I would live my life in the same vivacious way.
When Michael tells of riding on the plane, shackled with chains and a heavy tight box, I know that although I have been here at Aliceville for some 7 or 8 years, each time I go out to the doctor, I have to wear those heavy chains and they are cruel.
One day though, I will wear them to transfer to a camp. One day.
I am somewhere close to 3,335 days in. If I am allowed to leave at my elderly home confinement date, I am halfway home. The judge sentenced me to 30 years, that is 360 months, 10,800 days. I am 54.
Another place on the board where our stories are similar is the part where we were both convicted of a drug crime.
That cool little oval, the place where the two circles overlap, actually has quite a few things listed there, in the chalkboard of my mind.
We both find a sense of normalcy in listening to NPR. Although, here at Aliceville, we hardly get it.
I think the most beautiful sentence, the one that I related to the most is found on page 196, when he is speaking of the professors who he clung to for guidance. The success of my journey is also due to the commitment and compassion of professors. There were three who saved my life. Dr.Kirby, Dr. Sanchez and Katy Ryan. This sentence is as follows:
” Liberation seeps incrementally into my psyche with each of these relationships, I am less susceptible to the hopelessness that pervades the lives around me. “
When I first landed at Hazelton SFF, I could not see the time in front of me. The wreckage of my life seemed to consume me. I was in a dark place. A symphony of events played out.
One day there was a bulletin that popped up for something called INSIDE OUT. I saw that I met the criteria but the essay application had to be turned into the administrator at mainline- I had less than an hour.
I was placed in the class.
