Reflections and things that are resonating with me from Jordan Peterson’s 12 Rules For Life:
“It is not virtuous to be victimized by a bully, even if that bully is oneself” I love this. Too often we allow ourselves to be bullied by our own thoughts. I’ll share this quote at tomorrow’s meeting.
1) “They shoulder intolerable burdens of self disgust, self contempt, shame, and self consciousness….instead of narcissistically inflating their own importance, they don’t value themselves at all.”
2) “Excruciatingly aware of their own faults and inadequacies, ashamed and doubtful of their own value.”
3) “They believe other people shouldn’t suffer, and they will work diligently and altruistically to help them alleviate it.”
4) “They extend the same courtesy even to the animals they are acquainted with – but not so easily to themselves.”
1-4 is how I spent the first 30 years of my life, probably as a product of the abuse and method of raising me by an abusive parent. I do see the value in these qualities (empathy and sympathy, altruism, and compassion) when it’s not involved with the damage they also cause. I’m VERY proud of the distance I’ve come from #s 1-4. Establishing boundaries, forcing myself to practice self-compassion, saying no to self-loathing, choosing better company, and feeding on God’s word has been my best and most effective medication.
“Any claim that the Golden Rule doesn’t mean sacrificing yourself for others might appear dubious.” “Christ’s death is an example of how to accept finitude and not as a directive to victimize ourselves in the service of others,” which is how I was raised by one parent. He writes about he/she who suffers silently and willingly when someone/an organization demands more from us (consistently) than is offered in return which, Peterson argues, supports tyranny and allows ourselves to be treated like slaves. ‘How many times in my life have I created tyrants?’ I thought. If I’m someone’s friend, family member, etc, the author writes, then I’m morally obligated to bargain as hard on my own behalf as they are on theirs. “It is much better for any relationship when both partners are strong.”
One of my friends I’ve known for a long time here is proud of me and says I’ve come a long way. I appreciate it, but I still feel like I still have so much growth ahead of me and I take teeny tiny baby steps with everything. Everything, such as setting boundaries and working on turning negative thoughts to positive ones, is all trial and error. Where I haven’t been able to put into words in the past about the changes I’ve been working on within myself or the inner challenges I’ve had, this book is putting everything into words for me. Journaling has been tremendously helpful, and I keep a personal journal that I keep to myself that I use to help me work out troublesome situations and create a mental game-plan.
I can’t remember if this quote is from the book or if I’ve read it elsewhere: “It’s a good thing, not a selfish thing, to choose people who are good for you.” I can’t stress enough how critical this is when one is incarcerated, as there are so many people around you who aren’t the healthiest choices. While there are so many people behind the wire who are filled with light, are empathetic, altruistic, and kind hearted, there are also the highly narcissistic, dangerously manipulative, and predatory types that know how to mask these characteristics well and want to prey on those who have the more positive social traits. Setting boundaries, creating self compassion, positive attitudes, positive thinking, etc that I value for myself now can be even more challenging in this kind of environment. Focus and persistence is one of the key elements to achieving what I need to change within myself.
