Sometimes, the most challenging periods in life can lead to the biggest breakthroughs. When we face those kinds of challenges, we’ve got to create a plan that will help us work toward the best outcome. One of the best ways to start is by having the right conversation at the right time with the right people. That kind of connection can open doors to opportunities you might never have imagined.
If you’re facing the criminal justice system, feeling overwhelmed, scared, or unsure—as I was—pause and take a breath. Think about a conversation you can have that will help you see the future. Consider an ancient Chinese proverb:
If you want to know the road ahead, ask someone who has walked back.
I didn’t know how to do that when authorities arrested me. As a result, I made a series of bad decisions. They led to my serving 26 years in prison. While on that path, I learned many lessons that I strive to share through a nonprofit I launched: Prison Professors.
In my case, I was young and inexperienced. By learning how to think differently, I could put myself on a path to recalibrate. But if I had had the right conversation with the right people, I believe I would have made decisions that would have different outcomes. Perhaps I would have served less time in prison.
A single conversation can change the outcome of your life. It can create clarity, build a foundation for a strategy, and lay the groundwork for a better future.
Why the Right Conversation Matters
Anyone navigating the complexities of the criminal justice system for the first time will want guidance. But beware of where the guidance is coming from. You shouldn’t ask a barber if you need a haircut. It’s crucial that you do your own research, learn as much as possible, and find a credible resource who will respond to your questions. In the end, you must decide what course of action to take. Still, you should arm yourself with information that will help you see various options.
As the founder of Prison Professors, I make three promises:
- I’ll always be truthful.
- I’ll never ask anyone to do anything that I haven’t done, and that I’m not still doing.
- I’ll never charge anyone a penny for the information I give away on Prison Professors.
Each person should assess what weight to put on the information that I provide. Yet there shouldn’t be any mistake in that each person is responsible for the decisions ahead. A good conversation with an unbiased person may help. The key to overcoming adversity is arming yourself with knowledge, guidance, and a plan. That begins with a conversation. The right conversation can help you achieve several critical outcomes:
- Understanding Your Situation: You can’t make progress unless you fully understand where you stand and what options exist. The right conversations with the right people may clarify the charges, your legal rights, and your possible paths forward.
- Building a Support Network: Whether it’s a mentor, lawyer, advocate, or family, the right conversation allows you to develop relationships with people who can offer guidance, resources, and emotional strength.
- Laying the Foundation for a Plan: Conversations are not just about talking; they are about learning. By asking the right questions, you can begin constructing a plan to move forward constructively.
Reflection from My Own Journey
During my first days in prison, I neither hade the insight to plan nor strategize. It wasn’t until I made a series of bad decisions that I realized the catastrophic mistake I’d made. Despite knowing that I was guilty, I went to trial, I perjured myself on the witness stand, saying I didn’t do it, and I never accepted responsibility. It wasn’t until after a jury convicted me that I started to have conversations. Ironically, I had those conversations with myself, while in a solitary cell.
I’d read some great authors who helped me think differently. They taught me the art of introspection, and Socratic thinking, or questioning. I’d reflect on various questions:
- What kind of life do you want to lead when this is over?
- Where do you want to be in 10, 20, 30 years?
- What options exist?
- What steps can you take to advance possibilities for success?
- What will people who have influence over my future think about me?
Those questions led to internal conversations. They became my compass. They kept me grounded in the possibility of reinventing myself. I wish that I would have learned to have such conversations earlier. Still, it’s never too early and never too late to start making better decisions.
Initiate the Right Conversation
If you don’t know where to begin, start with some actionable steps that may lead to your better future.
Start Honest Conversations with Yourself
The first step to regain control of your life starts with introspection. Ask tough questions:
- Where do I want to be five years from now?
- What do I need to learn to pave the way for success?
- How do I take ownership of my situation?
Writing down your thoughts during this process can help clarify your goals. A strategy I call “journaling for growth” forces you to articulate your feelings and aspirations. Learn to be the CEO of your life, and create a plan that will lead to the future you want to build.
Seek Legal Guidance
Learn about your rights, the details of your case, and any legal deadlines you might face. Be honest, and don’t hold information back. One of the most important choices you’ll make is how you communicate with your attorney. By not understanding the process, I made really bad decisions. Ask questions:
- What are the potential outcomes of my case?
- How can I actively participate in my defense strategy?
- Who else on your team can offer valuable insight?
- In what ways can I develop a mitigation strategy?
Speak to Trusted Advisors
Whether it’s family, friends, or others who’ve gone through similar challenges, trusted individuals should become part of your support system. Share your intentions, fears, and next steps with them. These conversations are crucial for feeling less alone and understanding that people want to help you. If you sense that they’re telling you what you want to hear, rather than what you need to hear, have the strength of character to discount the guidance. If they’re trust worthy and knowledgeable, give more weight to their input. Accept that you must make the right decision, at the right time.
Ask the Right Questions
Every powerful conversation stems from asking thoughtful questions. Whether you’re speaking with a lawyer, a mentor, or friend, in the end, you need to meditate, introspect, and come up with an answer that is right for you. Consider:
- What resources are available to me?
- Which steps should I focus on first?
- How do I make better decisions moving forward?
- What will my life look like on the other side of this journey?
- How can I define success, considering the predicament I’m in?
Learn from Others
Surround yourself with individuals who have overcome challenges. Listen to their stories, learn about their strategies, and pull inspiration from their journeys. Not every conversation has to happen face-to-face. Books, podcasts, and programs also provide knowledge and guidance.
Stay Open, Even When Conversations Are Tough
Some conversations will be uncomfortable. They may include hard truths, criticism, or reflecting on your mistakes. Such conversations lead to the most growth. Face these moments with humility and a willingness to improve.
The Ripple Effect of the Right Conversation
You might not realize it now, but every step you take and every conversation you initiate creates ripples. The right conversation today can lead to better decisions tomorrow. Those decisions can lead to opportunities you didn’t think were possible.
When I first started planning my future from a prison cell, I stayed open to meaningful conversations and embraced opportunities to learn. My life confidence grew, and life changed.
You are standing at the start of a hard journey, and every decision you make going forward will come with opportunity costs, so choose wisely.
- Conversations become catalysts: Engage with the right people to build understanding, gain support, and create a strategy.
- Accountability is up to you: It’s up to you to be proactive, ask questions, and follow through, and measure the progress you’re making toward engineering the future you want.
- Every conversation presents an opportunity to learn Even small, incremental improvements lead to new opportunities.
Self-Directed Questions for Reflection
To keep moving forward, consider journaling your answers to these questions:
- Who are three people I need to initiate conversations with this week to gain clarity or guidance?
- What’s one fear I have about opening up, and how can I confront it?
- What’s the long-term vision I want to work toward, and how can I align my conversations with that vision?
Remember, there’s power in conversation. No matter where you are in your life right now, you can take control. While locked in a solitary cell, I learned from the books I read. Those books taught lessons that prompted I had with myself. The right conversation at the right time can change your life.
