“Journey Through the FEDS”
When I was sentenced to 10 years in Federal prison, I was 41 years old. My expectations were shallow and experience in prison obsolete. The first two years in prison were spent locked down during a pandemic. With only 15 minutes out every 3rd day to shower, and contact with loved ones was psychological torture.
During my time in solitary confinement I turned to creative writing as a therapeutic technique to strengthen me during times, I felt most disquieted. Education was no option, and well book’s were limited I had only my thoughts, pen and paper. This nurtured my desire to prepare for a better future and success in one day becoming a great motivational speaker.
Many individuals attempted to detour my focus on programming and good behavior by glorifying criminal thinking, pessimistic outlooks on FSA and programming as well as politics.
Deep within my soul I fostered a belief that personal motivation and personal commitment would be essential to achieving any positive outcome, and a quality most of the prison population lacked. My experiment began to test the theory and see if for myself I programmed, educated myself, and exhausted all options set before me would result in positive outcomes, that most said would not, and that the pessimistic mindset and lack of action would only diminish results, thus, hindering any foundation for personal success and achievements.
Journey Through the FEDS
by Michael James Olsen
“Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap,but by the seeds you plant”- Robert louis Stevenson
My journey through the Feds begins back in 2020. What do I remember feeling? Hopelessness, disquieted and maybe even pressured into being obsequious. Today I feel a sense of achievement and imperturbability. I must emphasize with high regards was not gained easily or transcended upon without hard work. personal commitment and self determination was, and continues to be, an essential contribution to personal achievements and success I am blessed with today and in the future and remember, Each journey begins with the most important step, the first. Some journeys will be riddled with a buffet of obstacles that, for myself, require constant attention and perseverance.
“Education, is the best provision for the journey of old age”- Aristotle
In the Feds, inmates like myself encounter many obstacles. One of the easiest obstacles to overcome is one’s education, where the system cannot take away form one’s desire to educate oneself. Education may be limited, however, one’s determination to prevail will make obsolete such obstacles. With that said, as I awaited Education to enroll me in the G.E.D. programs, I began using my creative writing skills to note and record milestones throughout my journey in hopes to reach and inspire others, and one day advocate for a change in our prison system. This is so others don’t face the obstacles I had to, and I might inspire our system to change for the better, making rehabilitation possible for all inmates. Breaking barriers such as politics, poor practices, lack of staff, and peer pressure so one can reach his or her full potential.
As I stated before, commitment and self determination were essential for any positive outcome or and success in the accomplishmnt of personal goals. I was determined to not allow my past to hinder my future. I made a commitment to myself, I would become educated, starting with my G.E.D., and a commitment to a therapeutic way to obtain success through a unique style of communication technique I implimented for myself to keep me motivated, and to relieve stress that comes with prison life in general, especially prison life during the pandemic.
I will continue each milestone in the form of poetry, a creative technique I used to keep me sane during long lockdowns during the pandemic, and a therapeutic way to express my concern and dissention to the pessimistic company I am so unfortunate to be surrounded by. I pray my readers can relate to the journey we’re about to embark on. Each poem will commence with a quote that inspired me during the time of logging along with a short story to explain each poem.
“You cannot lead me into temptation I have the experience to find the way myself,” – Unknown
My day begins and proves to be eventful. A large package dropped required my attention, and money was to be made. Limited on time, I packaged separately what I needed to drop and threw the rest in the trunk. My wife and best friend in life pleaded me to stay. Indicating a bad feelings, persuading her mind and soul. This book is evidence that I dismissed her concern, and chose not to listen…
Mr.. Froggy and His Best Friend
Early in the morning is when the call came in,
A package would arrive shortly and well, my route would begin.
The 1st on my mind was a deal too good to resist,
so a promise of a large cash payment put this deal 1st on my list.
I loaded up the trunk and began to get the show on the road,
to meet a lame named Froggy who later I found out was a toad,
Made a call to his cell to find out where we should meet,
his reply was “My friend’s at the store just down the street,”
I said the deal was with you had I known I would’ve never agreed,
then I dismissed my better judgement I replaced it with greed.
I convinced myself just once then vowed never again,
the drop would be quick and with froggy’s best friend.
I met him in the parking lot, and right away, knew something’s not right,
especially when he stated “I got methamphetamines’ in sight.”
Quick were the feds when they moved in and I knew I was caught
outsmarted by Mr.. Froggy and his BEST FRIEND THE COP.
Months have passed since my arrest, psychologically this time became the most insecure moment of my life. After posting bail on State charges of possession with intent to distribute a controlled substance, “meth and heroin,” and felon in possession of a firearm while in commission of a crime, “machine gun,” I had only a few months in preparation of an indictment from the F.E.D.S. my attorney was most confident would surface. One of many more raids would come to my home, storage units and mobile homes along with a chain reaction of loss, pain and suffering a destruction caused by me and my poor choices facing such reality at this magnitude cultivates a level of shame and guilt that could break most men, “It Broke Me.”
“It’s not our circumstances that creates out discontent or contentment, it is us,” – Unknown
“The Indictment,”
Following the raid strike force departs with all they an take,
departing with the evidence they feel will make my loyalty break.
Stubborn I was to a code unworthy of such trade,
Ultimately my children would be the price that I paid.
In the absence of my kids I found my rock bottom,
it was in a place where loss followed addiction like spring follows autumn.
I was haunted by shame as my habits grew worse,
I kept my veins under needle and kept one foot in a hearse.
Stuck in a habit that never gets enough and always needy of more,
collapsing my veins and keeping my body all sore.
Fighting against time I prepared my family for an indictment would come,
fought against urges that said, just pack up and run.
If I ran I knew it would be an endless race,
I knew that accountability was valuable and a thing I needed to face.
Such an unachievable goal should I have packed up and ran,
so desperate I was the day when the feds showed up with that indictment in hand.
