Journal Entry: William David Kragthorpe-05/25/2024

Journal Entry

Recently, I lost a friend that I have known for 25 years, she would be surprised to know that I am writing about her, but this is not only about her – it’s about all of the friends that I have lost in these past couple of years.

Losing a loved one or a close friend is never easy, but when it seems like death is constantly looming over me and it is taking away people close to me, the pain can become unbearable. This is the reality for me as I have to continue to watch my close friends and family pass away.

The first time it happens, it feels like a punch to the gut. The shock and disbelief can be overwhelming as I struggle to come to terms with the fact that someone I care about is no longer here. But when it happens again and again, the pain only intensifies.

As each friend passes away, it starts to feel like a piece of oneself is also lost. These are people who have been through everything with me, the high and the lows, the good times and bad times. they are the ones who understand me in a way that no one else does, and losing them leaves a void that cannot be filled.

Other things that weigh heavily on me are whether I did enough for my friend or if there was something I could have done to prevent their death. I’m not one to store guilt nor do I blame myself. People have to take care of themselves and understand that death can be inevitable, especially if you take your life for granted. I always think about what my Dad said and that there are no do-overs in life.

In addition to the emotional toll, losing someone close to me can also have practical implications. It may mean losing a confidant, a support system, or even invaluable shared experiences. The familiar routines and traditions may also be disrupted, making it difficult to find solace and comfort in the midst of grief.
Coping with loss of close friends or family can also be challenging because many people do not feel comfortable talking about death and grief. Society often expects individuals to quickly move on and “get over” the loss, which can make it difficult for those of us grieving to process our emotions and find support.

The loss of close friends or family is a reminder of my own mortality and can bring up existential questions about the meaning of life. It can also make me feel isolated and alone, as I mourn the loss of these people that not only understood me so deeply but also people that I shared so much with.
Watching my friends and family die is an extremely difficult experience to navigate. It is emotionally, mentally, and physically draining, and the pain and grief may never go away. It is important for not only me but others to take care of themselves seek support from others, and cherish the memories of their friend and family who have passed away. I remember my friends and family daily and realize that my own mortality is important. I have come to value and appreciate life and am aware of the benefits of staying healthy, mentally, emotionally, and physically. ….I don’t want to star in blasphemous rumors but I think that God has a sick sense of humor and when I die I expect to find him laughing…

Lyrics by, Depeche Mode…

William Kragthorpe