This past weekend I attended the CRHP Catholic retreat at my parish. My group, Team #19, has 23 men, and we were welcomed by the previous team that spent six months in Foundation to prepare for this weekend retreat. It was awesome!
Granted I was quite emotional and cried numerous times throughout the weekend, it was just what I needed in this difficult time. I deepened my faith and love of Jesus. I met new brothers in Christ and rekindled relationships with old friends. But still I carried my deep sense of shame for my wrongs and for the pain I caused those I love. Until confession and reconciliation Saturday night. Something shifted in me after this, because of God and his absolution. I now truly feel His forgiveness. I know that it’s time for me to forgive myself and move on to true reconciliation. God is with me through all of this, and Jesus will carry my cross if I let him and open my heart to him. My toxic shame has receded over the past year or so, and now I feel grace and acceptance despite my guilt. I am still a felon and obviously a sinner, but I don’t have to live in fear and shame and despair.
I am so thankful for this weekend retreat. I am thankful for the men that prepared and produced this. I am thankful for my fiancée and for her signing me up. I am thankful for my family and friends that prayed for me and sent letters of support. And I am thankful to join this group of men that will work together to prepare and produce the retreat for group #20 in November. I know it is a way for me to help other men. I just pray I am still free in order to participate!
