My friends noticed the tone of my newsletters was less upbeat. They brought this to my attention. Here was my response.
That is a fabulous question/observation. Makes me miss you guys. I need to think more on this. But I have plenty of initial thoughts.
With regard to this part of my journey. I made a mistake. I adjusted expectations way too early. I had a romanticized version of home confinement. I thought I would kick it and watch TV, write, catch up with friends. I thought I was basically done. Your not. That misdiagnosis on my part, plus my stomach & tooth (health affects my mood dramatically, which I know you know), plus my new role as prison advocate expert (helping people outside)….picture an online component to the availability of people like us being able to be tracked down for every possible question ….yes has me more focused on my anger.
My experiences at HC has been one long battle. They have fought me on everything.
Health….I have had to kick & scream to get everything in motion. Everything is a discussion (my meds, my conditions).
Repeated discussions that don’t yield any results or action….here’s an example…..They freak out and send me to an urgent care (the sore on my mouth had basically covered my front tooth). So not a dentist…they send me to a Dr.….he prescribes some meds (antibiotics). They won’t up pick the meds. They won’t let me pick up the meds. We have to wait a week for when my dad gets here to take me home to get them. Ok….I’m on HC now….I finally got there. I can take care of my medical situation now (after all im paying for it) …. No they still want to discuss any action I take. That means I have to wait for their approvals on everything. It’s maddening.
Jobs – working is super important at tjis point. …..THEY HAMMER IT IN AT THIS PART OF THE PROGRAM. I turned in all 3 of my job opps first day. ALL OF THEM were denied. Either for no reason (BOP SAID Bo) or bc of proximity to felons. They freak out about me being of any assistance to anyone other then there approved volunteer programs. They turned down the SAC state Justice department as a volunteer program for me (oh….this wasn’t my idea ….it was the RDAP coordinators idea….so they turned down THERE own staff members suggestion). They would prefer I seek normal employment and work at McDonald’s. Now I went to war over this… I called the NoCal head of probation, my probation officer….everyone…..to get this fixed. It worked but I’m sure it’s a source of the problems I face now.
Yes I expected that this next step would be similar to Pretrial (easier)
It was easy for everyone to understand what I was writing about when everyone was going through it. I wish you guys could see what I see now….it’s what I use to gauge if I’m being fair. I obviously don’t have anyone like you guys here. So I’m doing my best. I think there is frustration & anger in my writing that I need to work on…. But it’s definitely NOT unjustified. Also I have had the big fight here about my content so I definitely am writing knowing that box was already checked.
BUT, and you should also know this about me…..THERE IS ALWAYS a METHOD to my MADNESS (which is actually quite brilliant). I wouldn’t take this strong a stance on anything without thinking it out. People no doubt are reacting to what I’m writing. They are rethinking home confinement. I’m sure it is scaring some people. But that’s a good thing. I honestly think this place is on the strict side of the spectrum (and other places are hopefully laxer).
BUT……One of two things will happen. First they will be prepared and have safer expectations on HC….they will be ready for a scenario where strict home conditions occur …. Or….when they face far laxer conditions they can say “wow this is nothing like carper had it.” This is easy. That will be a mental win.
So take some solace that I always have a plan.
Great question. Thanks to essential feedback.