It’s the night before my sentencing in Federal court, and I find myself caught in a whirlwind of emotions – some expected, some surprising, and some that, quite honestly, I never thought I’d feel at a time like this.
Shock. Anxiety. And, oddly enough, excitement.
Yes, excitement.
It still feels surreal that I was convicted at trial. The thought of potentially facing a long period of incarceration – along with the restrictions that might follow – is overwhelming. What will I do while I serve my time? What new challenges will I conquer? What will I accomplish when I am free again? The uncertainty of it all keeps my mind racing. I don’t know what’s coming next, and that unknown is both terrifying and strangely exhilarating.
But more than anything else, what I feel most right now is gratitude.
In the midst of everything – this storm, this battle, this chapter of my life that I never saw coming – I am unbelievably grateful.
I’ve found a renewed faith in God, one that gives me strength when I feel weak and perspective when everything seems unfair. I’ve been surrounded by unconditional love from my family, who have never wavered in their support. And my friends … I don’t even have the words. From my arrest to my arraignment, through trial and now sentencing, they have been there in ways I never imagined – showing up from across the country and around the world just to remind me that I am not alone.
For everything I’ve lost, I’ve gained something far greater.
Maybe that’s the real story here. Maybe that’s the lesson. Life doesn’t always go the way we planned. Sometimes, it takes a turn so sharp, so unexpected, that it leaves us breathless. But even in those moments – especially in those moments – there’s something to be gained. Strength. Perspective. A deeper connection to the people who truly matter.
Tomorrow will come, and whatever happens, I’ll face it head-on. Because no matter what, I know this: I am not defined by this moment. I am not defined by my worst days.
And for that, I am grateful.
