Friday, May 24th
Now that I’ve adjusted to no email until August 19, I will keep these journals manually and type once my email is back in August. If you’re reading this then you know I’m back!! I’ve decided not to appeal the Disciplinary Officer’s ruling, as I’m told the Warden never overrules him anyways. Plus my focus needs to be on immediate medical treatment appeals as a priority.
My buddy Derek found a 9th circuit case stating prisons MUST follow thru on doctors’ instructions or its deliberate indifference, a direct violation of the 8th amendment. Perfect for what I’m trying to accomplish thru the Administrative Remedy process here.
This evening kicks off 3 days of Kairos, should be interesting to be with the same 35 inmates and 17 volunteer/counselors from various local churches for 12 hours a day! Definitely one way to spend Memorial Day Weekend!!
With this ridiculous incident report process behind me, my focus will be on medical and writing the book starting Tuesday. I’ll also spend an hour/day on my cellmates appeal helping out.
I wrote Michael Santos to see if I can regular mail my journal, books reports, and blog, but won’t work so will start posting the week of August 19th!
Started Kairos this evening, 5-8 PM. Kairos means “Gods Time” apparently. 35 guys,1 from Portland plus myself,4 from Orange County(one of them lives 3 miles from us):) The evening was about intro’s and a couple meditation sessions based on a story/parable in the Bible. The volunteers are mainly 65-80 years old from various churches in the region, Fresno to Santa Barbara and in-between. Couple have been coming here 30 years, and are just restarting post Covid! Looking forward to seeing what the 8 am -8 pm session brings Saturday!
Saturday, May 25th
8-6 pm was 100% Kairos today. Since we finished at 6 pm, gave me a chance to make the 6:15 move for a much needed workout after sitting all day! Have to admit I went from slight apprehension to being very happy that I participated with Kairos, and am looking forward to what Day 2 brings.
The format is basically 10 speakers on topics from church to Open your Heart, maybe 20 minutes each. Often times the volunteers share their life story and how its relevant to the topic. Then there’s 2-3 minutes of meditation. We sit in groups of 6, 4-5 inmates and 1-2 volunteers. After meditation, we discuss for 15 minutes and then as a team draw something reflecting our answer on a 2′ X 3″ piece of paper. One of us then presents to the group each time. Discussing and drawing really brings out interaction in a good way. They put units together which was a blessing as we actually know and enjoy each other already.
We then follow each session with music/songs with a 3 piece band which is also inspirational. I’ll write about my insights and take always after Day 3, but yesterday had a couple great ones, including finally hearing about God’s children and family. Stay tuned!
One of the inmates at our table is from Ohio/Michigan area, age 38, black serving 20 years, has had 5 gun shots over the years. I’ve always liked him as we get long well, but learned a lot about him, including the same pressures he is under here in person that we all have with “peer pressure”, and in his case “the code” of his tribe, meanwhile his wanting to change as a person to avoid coming back to prison. I brought up the book Derek and I are writing for folks like him, and the entire table loved the concept. One of the volunteers even asked if he could donate!!
Sunday, May 26th
Really special day at Kairos from 8am -7 pm. Similar format to Saturday until about 3 pm, covered some interesting topics like Discovery and The Wall, mainly self improvement focused but including scripture as part of the solution. Discovery really reminded me of the elements needed to be complete in a relationship with God- reading the Word, small groups, listening, bible study and fellowship. It’s really true how all are needed at some point or another. After 5 months now in prison, fellowship was really uplifting,from people sharing, discussing various topics to the music itself. The Wall was a great exercise for all of us to see what we ” hide behind”. We all have these issues, but its healthy to actually write them down and reflect on what we might do to eliminate them.
In the morning and throughout the day we made a list of people we’ve forgiven in our lives, given if God forgives us we need to be doing the same. We finished the evening with a ceremony praying and then dropping self dissolving paper with those names on each piece into a pot of solution and seeing it disappear, followed by a brief blessing from one of the pastors, and then a group prayer. Really cleansing for my soul!
One of the songs we sang had a line of lyrics that really spoke to me(I can tell as I normally forget these things:))”Failure is not an option with the Father in the House.” Definitely helped remind me Lompoc is far from being my last chapter!!
Monday, May 27th
The last day of Kairos was special as well. For me especially it was an answer to prayer. When I first surrendered January 4 2024, amongst the few things I could bring was my Bible and Devotional. But at the gate, the guard saw them and immediately said they weren’t allowed, despite the website saying they were, so I walked back to the car and gave them to the kids to keep. What kind of “hell hole” is this I wondered? It should have dawned on me right away that guards don’t always follow the BOP policies….
When I read Colson’s Born Again, I prayed that God would help me bring a small group together like he did, but after three months haven’t been able to make much progress. Well today the Kairos guys announced they will be back in 2 weeks for a full day working session with us to launch small groups for bible study with each of us, in our case the 5 of us from Unit L. Hallelujah!
There were lots of takeaway’s for me from this weekend, but one that really touched my heart was something they must do for all Kairos events. As background, I didn’t really realize the isolation I was feeling being in prison, though it became somewhat evident to me reading Purpose Driven Life. Specifically when it discusses serving God by serving God’s children and members of the church, which didn’t stimulate any desire in me. If anything I prefer helping non Christians at times, especially in here. I’ve been praying about it, asking God to help soften my heart, but I can’t say I’d gotten any answers! Well Kairos did by doing 3 things:
1. They printed off their website3-400 names of people around the world( Europe, South Africa, Australia ,etc..) who had signed up praying for us and this weekend event
2. They hung 150+ crayon drawings from 9-11 year olds from local churches who filled in the typical Sunday School diagram of Jesus or a bible verse, and wrote something sweeet and innocent about love, forgiveness,etc.
3. Each of the 15 volunteers wrote us a card or letter, and gave us a brown sack filled with them. Opening and reading them was very impactful as well
Coming up on 5 months here and after the BS of the hearing officer taking away email, commissary and adding 27 days to my sentence, all because of an honest decent email, this weekend is exactly what God knew I needed. I am grateful indeed!!
Tuesday, May 28
Well, no doubt the weekend is over! Guys went to the Yard at 8 am but were called back. Same with Education. BOP really doesn’t understand how unmotivating this is for those of us who are serious about getting stuff done. Looks like stuck in the Unit all day. The guards had us grab dinner at 2:30(tuna salad) and eat in our cell. Lockdown till 5. We got to go to Yard at 5, but they returned us at 6;15. My guess is staff shortage after Memorial Day weekend. At least I got some writing down in the morning, but rest of the day was hurry up and wait…….
Wednesday, May 29
One thing about no email. Things definitely slow down. Writing by hand, sending by USPS makes every communication into a week process by the time its received. I kind of remember those days from the 80’s:) It’s not really a huge deal, just a little annoying on the attorney front. Doing more phone calls that’s for sure!
Spending more time writing for the book now, about 1-2 hours/day. More than that without a PC is tough. Derek should free up tonight once he mails his amended complaint off to District court. Talk about annoying, he has to hire 2 typists plus himself to type 300+ pages(plus copy and mail 6 sets) on an old IBM Selectric typewriter. Plus the law library where the typewriters are has been closed 6 days straight now. Hard to hit deadlines that way! Heaven forbid this prison location would allow MSFT WORD on a PC, even without a Wi-Fi/internet connection to email. Apparently several prisons do which would be so much more helpful to all the inmates trying to do legal work.
Had dinner at 3 in our cell again, but at least got outside at 5-6 for a workout. Apparently library and yard are all closed again, so stuck in our unit 24 hours-oh joy!
Thursday, May 30
Happy Birthday to my Son!! With a second child due in a couple weeks, I pray it’s blessed year for him and that baby #2 is healthy and happy as he/she enters the world( and he/she sleeps well:)).
Crazy day here that’s for sure. Late breakfast, 7 am( I don’t go anyways), 8:30 lunch we had to fetch and eat in our cell followed by a 9-2 pm lockdown(listening to Trump verdict) out at 2:30 to grab dinner, normal lockdown 3;30-5 and no Yard or library. We did have an evening movie we could go to, apparently they are doing staff training this week……
My legal team gave me the thumbs up on a filing for administrative appeal to get moved to a camp to get offsite medical treatment. I also learned all 3 defendants are filing separate appeals so next 60 days that will be interesting to see drafts and hear what my team thinks.
Summarized all my notes from Kairos last weekend. Kind of cool the way it impacted guys when I see them in the Yard or wherever. Everyone is so much more open and natural. even sincere it seems. Looking forward to our full day session in 8 days!
