Yesterday at Bible study we watched a video made by Max Lucado called ” Fearless” its broken down into six episodes. We are on the third episode and the topic was “fear of disappointing God” after we watch a 10 minute episode we have a group discussion about the episode. Listening to the others talk about what it meant to them and seen the pain in their emotions as they talked about the various “Fears” they have, i was able to draw myself closer to the Lord. I could feel him pressing me to say something. While i fear not making God happy there is a lot that i fear about myself. Like Relapse or losing somebody i love while I’m down. I realized that i have to continue to work hard. To never let up. I’m reading “Earning Freedom’ right now. And it is a very very good book. I see myself in so many ways as trying to be like the guy that Michael is. Having to go through some of the same circumstances that he went through such as being told to forget the outside world. Cut my wife loose. Keep your focus on the inside. i don’t want to do this. I already did this the last time i was in prison and imp right back in. That does not work. I need to invest in myself i need to pay attention to the outside world because that’s where i want to stay. I don’t want to come back here. I hate prison. I have to and will do everything in my power to guarantee that I have a successful re entry into society. There is one thing i have that Michael Santos does not. And it is not a good thing. I have 3 prior prison sentences that i was released from and failed at reentry. I came back. But i also have a list of things that i know will not work. I know what i cannot do. So its safe to say i can start with that.
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