Journal Entry: Neil Stephany-04/24/2024

Journal Entry

I’ve been stressed out lately about the committee today. I hate when my file is used against me. Some of it is factual but a lot of it is just peoples biases that put in there. Anybody can say anything they want about me and bam It’s in my permanent record. Even the information I reported myself trying to be pro social and avoid altercations is turned against me. With that it feels like no matter what I do I’m not going to be found suitable.

And it’s like of course I have a past and things I’ve done when I was younger. I was living with a massive addiction problem I didn’t know how to live with. I killed someone and was thrown into general population, with white supremecist inmates who had done a lot of time in prison and part of these tremendously violent gangs, as a half Mexican transgender kid. I was scared shitless, trying to fit in and not draw attention to myself. I never had any real education on what I should do. Custody treated me the same as hardened criminals so I listened to what they told me and to cover up my emotions and feelings I used my only coping mechanism. I continued to get high and live in addiction and I was stuck in trying to live like that. I didn’t really start understanding myself until 2021 when I started taking programming seriously and applying it to myself. I’ve made a ton of change. I’ve bettered myself but it’s still not going to get me out of prison and that sucks because I can do so much more to give back outside of here.

Character defects; depression, fair fallacy, stress

Grateful: the changes I’ve made, hardworking, determination