Quicksand
September 9, 2024
My first exposure to quicksand was watching Gilligan’s Island as a kid. (If you haven’t heard of that show, Google it, and celebrate that you’re still young – HA!) Gilligan was always finding himself in messes, not the least of which was quicksand. Watching him flailing happened so frequently that I thought quicksand was a real threat to my life. Thank goodness for the educational system that later taught me otherwise. I was relieved to know that quicksand would unlikely be my cause of death.
A month ago, I completed my sentence obligation to the Federal Bureau of Prisons. I was finally home, free to swing by the store, stop for gas and make unplanned stops between points A & B without asking for permission. I never appreciated how significant that was until I went to prison. No more concrete walls and ankle monitors; no longer physically confined. Whew, things I treasure and always will.
I wish I could say that the people who warned me of post-prison re-entry obstacles were wrong, but they were right. The free world comes with its own set of challenges that reach far beyond those commonly associated with reentry such as employment and housing. I recently considered that Gilligan was right, quicksand is quite common! Reentry often means obstacles, barriers and resistance… quicksand.
Quicksand is – people, places, mindsets, and behavioral patterns that comprise everyday life. Finding ourselves stuck in unhealthy relationships; working hard but still sinking; and realizing that some people in our circle hold us back, they are quicksand. Sometimes it’s predictable, we see it coming a mile away. Oddly, even with insight, some of us don’t change course. Despite evidence to the contrary, we do it anyway. Occasionally, we’re caught off guard and suddenly find ourselves flailing, looking for an escape and regretting the decisions that got us there.
At 52 years old I’ve finally gained some basic quicksand wisdom. Whether the quicksand represents a person or a place, avoid it. Give up on the chance that it might be different this time, when all evidence has shown that it won’t be. It’s not worth the gamble. It’s that simple. Pivot, change direction, find a way to navigate around it, but no matter what – don’t touch the quicksand!! If it caught you by surprise, don’t stand and deliberate, get out before you feel trapped, or it takes you down! Try to avoid people and environments that are negative or toxic to your life – they slowly eat us alive.
With my mission to live more offensively, I’ve identified a few strategies to avoid and eliminate quicksand, or at least minimize its effects. First, awareness! Pay attention to your small world and the people you allow in it. Don’t ignore gut feelings or justify red flags. If you reflect on past difficulties, you’ll likely identify numerous times you had fair warning but did it anyway. It’s okay, we’re human, it’s natural to want things our way. With introspection we learn to watch where we’re going, paying attention to the subtle, or not so subtle, indicators designed to protect us the next time.
Secondly, plan! When the first dip in quicksand comes unexpectedly am I prepared? When it happens, and it will, what’s the plan, my exit strategy? Do I have a friend or professional on the sidelines who’s supportive and objective? Side note: Enablers are not the most objective voice of reason for us in these situations.
Were you ever in a relationship, romantic or otherwise, where it ended, and you felt relieved? A few times, I never realized how draining the person was until they were gone, and a weight lifted. If you dread spending time with someone and feel drained after hanging out with them, is there a way to protect yourself from getting pulled down? Maybe the plan is to limit the amount of time spent with them or do so only in a specific setting. Sadly, it’s possible you may need to eliminate them from your life. How will you approach difficult moments such as these? There’s no right or wrong answer, for the most part.
Whether you think of these experiences as quicksand, anchors, or restraints they’re dangerous to our health; mental, physical and emotional. I’m trying my best to eliminate negativity from my life and I hope you will too!
“Vanity is the quicksand of reason.” –George Sand
Thank you for sharing in my journey,
Melinda Bixler