Journal Entry: Melinda Bixler-07/30/2023-Enjoy

Journal Entry

My insomnia often leads me to random discoveries in the night. I’m often too sleepy to
read a book, but not sleepy enough to avoid obsessing about the pain my crime has
caused my family. Google is my nightly companion and leads me into the rabbit hole of
problem-solving. I usually begin in search of a quick answer to a question I had about
the justice system and travel down a long windy road full of BOP (Bureau of Prisons)
policies. (Now that I’m writing this, I’m wondering… do I read BOP policies to find
answers or induce sleep?!)
Early this morning as I was perusing, I stumbled upon this amazing work written by a
Brazilian poet, novelist, musicologist, art historian, and photographer. (Yes, just one man
with an array of talents.) This spoke to me.
My Soul is in a Hurry
By Mário Raul de Morais Andrade (1893-1945)
I counted my years and found that I have less time to live from here on than I have lived up
to now.
I feel like that child who won a packet of sweets: he ate the first with pleasure, but when he
realized that there were few left, he began to enjoy them intensely.
I no longer have time for endless meetings where statutes, rules, procedures and internal
regulations are discussed, knowing that nothing will be achieved.
I no longer have time to support the absurd people who, despite their chronological age,
haven’t grown up.
My time is too short:
I want the essence, my soul is in a hurry.
I don’t have many sweets in the package anymore.
I want to live next to human people, very human, who know how to laugh at their mistakes,
and who are not inflated by their triumphs, and who take on their responsibilities.
Thus human dignity is defended and we move towards truth and honesty.
It is the essential that makes life worth living.
I want to surround myself with people who know how to touch hearts, people who have
been taught by the hard blows of life to grow with gentle touches of the soul.
Yes, I’m in a hurry, I’m in a hurry to live with the intensity that only maturity can give.
I don’t intend to waste any of the leftover sweets.
I am sure they will be delicious, much more than what I have eaten so far.
My goal is to reach the end satisfied
and at peace with my loved ones
and my conscience.
We have two lives.
And the second begins when you realize you only have one.