Paving the Way for a Successful Future:
For those of us branded as criminals, the journey before, during and after incarceration can be daunting; however, deciding how to navigate that process is primarily up to us. No, it isn’t easy and is influenced by variables outside of our control. If those deterrents prohibit forward progress, if we succumb to the idea that we are powerless in some way, then we can only blame ourselves.
The truth is, no matter what our circumstances, we retain a level of control over our lives. Viktor Frankl, an Austrian holocaust survivor, is a remarkable example of this. He endured loss, torture and pain most of us could never imagine. Yet, he held on to the belief that although everything could be taken from him, one thing couldn’t. Viktor says, “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” He recognized that his thoughts, perceptions and mental fortitude remained within his control. As such, he not only survived one of the world’s most horrendous human tragedies but set an example of strength and resilience for the rest of the world. Through his example, he inspired and gave hope to millions.
Forty months passed from the day of my arrest to the day of my sentencing. Everything felt like it was out of my control. Frankly, my life was being totally monitored and liberties squelched. I doubted my ability to ever recover from the consequences of my past and certainly questioned whether I had the mental and emotional fortitude to persevere.
As I neared my sentencing date, I made a decision that shifted my perspective in a remarkable way. I had no idea of the significance at the time. I was introduced to a community of people who’d either traveled or were traveling the justice journey I was traveling too. It was the first time I felt connected to people who could relate to what I was going through. It was through this community that my future began to shift into one filled with hope, opportunity and personal growth. I began thinking about how to proceed with my future and actively preparing to achieve the best possible outcome. I began watching Prison Professors YouTube videos, participating in weekly webinars and taking advantage of every free resource they had available. I fostered relationships and focused on what I could control versus what I could not.
Because of those experiences, I often referred to my prison stint as a “mission trip.” While inside, I made deliberate choices and efforts to achieve the success I desired. I knew my primary goal was to get home, back to my family as soon as possible. I wanted to rebuild a career, contribute to my community and prove I was worthy of a second chance. I wanted to reestablish credibility and live in a way that accurately reflected the integrity I’ve held so dear. I acknowledged that every day was my chance to advance closer to those goals, regardless of the environment that physically restricted and confined me. Each day was filled with challenges,
and I recognized the constant battle between good and evil that surrounded me. Psychologically, that environment takes a toll, designed to crush spirits. As a result, suicides are quite prevalent in federal prisons among inmates and staff nationwide. Trauma is an unavoidable reality for nearly all involved.
There were certainly days I thought, “I can’t do this.” For me, most were in the beginning. Disconnected from my support network and the community I’d become part of, I was lonely in every sense of the word. There was no established trust, no love or encouragement, nobody standing by who cares. There was no place for vulnerability and consistent messages of our insignificance became my new normal. Despite that, I knew those were moments in time, not a permanent new way of life. They were opportunities for me to learn more about myself, confront my past, forgive and hone my relationship skills. I couldn’t submerse myself in past avoidance tactics. Instead, I alone determined if I invested the time for betterment or wasted it, leaving the same way I came in. I chose betterment.
“Nothing is permanent,” a phrase I heard frequently prior to incarceration ran through my mind dozens of times because amidst it, it feels pretty damn permanent. Setting goals and specific action steps is where I began taking back my life. It’s where my empowerment surged. Hope fostered, purpose identified, and a fulfilling future envisioned.
The planning process began at the end. I envisioned what I want from life and what I’m willing to give. I considered what I want for my future and envisioned what that destination looks and feels like. I evaluated the many ways to get there and considered how those ways aligned with my values. I thought about the people in my life and measured whether they’ve historically
helped or hindered my success. Whatever their contribution, what were my expectations of those relationships when I regained freedom? I identified potential barriers and anticipated hindrances. The answers to those questions began shining light on the path and allowed me to begin developing plans and actionable steps I could control.
From that view the landscape and terrain came into focus. I could begin thinking about real-life solutions based on questions such as… Does this goal require specific education or training? What financial resources are needed to reach the goal? How long will it realistically take me to reach it? What can I do today that ensures I’m moving closer to the goal? And how am I going to hold myself accountable?
Here’s what I came to accept: It’s my future, my journey, my rewards and I live with the consequences. Regardless of liberties, restrictions, obstacles and unforeseen challenges, none of it changes the facts within the previous sentence. Therefore, it’s up to me to determine what the word success means to me and how I plan to get there.
Life offers a free education each day; it’s our choice whether we engage in learning or sleep through class.
Melinda Bixler
