July 7, 2023 – Bixler –
I’m feeling increased anxiety today as I received notice of another delay in the legal process of
securing custody while I’m incarcerated. His father wants him full time while I’m away, but we
want him to have some consistency and still be able to see his family on my side. I’m just asking
that he be at our house 1 week a month so my daughter from Seattle can come spend the week
with him and his older brother can play soccer with him. He has a dog here who sleeps with him
every night and he has a whole life here he’ll be losing while I’m away.
I understand that I must serve a sentence for crime I committed. I’m just sad they my son
serves a similar sentence. He and I are very close. Throughout his own struggles he frequently
reminds me that I’m the only person he trusts in the world. The guilt I feel for what he’s facing
is indescribable. Of course, non-criminals make statements like, “You should have thought
about your son before you committed a crime.” You know what? Yes, Yes, Yes. I absolutely
should have. In that moment during that time in my life, I felt the decision I was making was to
help my kids, not hurt them. In hindsight, I would have made absolutely different choices.
Unfortunately, at that point of my life in the state of mind I was in, I thought the ends justified
the means. I made several terrible choices. I was wrong. Without being able to change the past,
I can only do my best to make things right going forward.
My kids are everything to me. They are the reason I’ve pursued success with a vengeance. I
want the best for them in every way. I’m traveling this custody route because I’m afraid for my
son. I hope and pray everyday that things will result in the best outcome for him. That may look
different from what I think or his father thinks, but whatever God feels is best is what I want for
More to come in a future post as custody things unfold. The clock is ticking, and I have a lot to
tackle before August 22 nd .
“A mother’s arms are more comforting than anyone else’s” —Princess Diana—