Journal Entry: Marty Brian Robbins-02/25/2024-Growing Faith

Journal Entry

Everyday has become a great day since coming out of my box. I see and feel so much more in life. I pray for all those who struggle with addictions as I once did, but I still work at my addictions one day at a time. Last night I chaired for the first, of many to come, AA meeting. The topic was ‘Faith’. Part of my studies that I do involves learning about what I cannot see, physically, in my daily living. Faith.

Before prison, I knew nothing and cared nothing of a Higher Power. To me the Bible was not much more than a guide on how to live life, and written by some guys sitting around a campfire long ago. I believed it was me against the world and nothing more, this was my ego. Even though I went thru a few motions of going to church, at times, I believed nothing of a Higher Power. But now I can see that God has always been beside me in my life, He could just never get my undivided attention.

I remember as a child my mom bringing home a little blue suit that someone had given her. My mom cleaned houses and people would give her clothes to bring home that their children had outgrown. I wanted to wear that blue suit so badly, and the only place I knew that people wore suits was to church. My family attended church only a couple of times as I can remember. I can only imagine trying to take six boys to church would be a challenge. I dressed in that little blue suit and asked if I could go to church. My mom argued with my stepdad to let me go, and, finally, she won. I walked blocks to the big, stone, church, with stairs leading up to massive wooden doors, people crowding in to get seated. I found myself in a vast sea of adults. I was seated in the wooden pews, feet dangling above the floor, I could see no other boys and girls around me. All I could hear is a booming voice, but I felt so comfortable sitting there in that little blue suit. I eventually fell asleep, I remember. I was like in God’s hands, at home and protected. I now can see that I’ve always been in God’s hands, I just never saw Him.

This past week I had been reading from several different books about faith. Trying to increase my faith. I have come to realize that you don’t develop faith overnight, but it grows as you learn and develop trust in God. This is what is happening with myself, at the very least. So, I had been trying to figure out a topic for the first AA meeting I was to chair. It was a few days before the meeting as I was looking at the daily reading for AA for that day. The reading was entitled ‘When Faith is Missing’. I thought, well, that could be a good topic, but I’m not for sure. Usually, I don’t pop ahead in the readings, but, today, I felt compelled to do so. The reading for the night of the meeting was ‘A Path to Faith’ 🙂 Your good God I do say 🙂 the topic will be ‘Faith’

I did have a bit of fear within me about being chair for the meeting, and never doing it before. I was worried what I may say or what was I even going to say. But then I realized, I had nothing to fear, whatever I do say is because of Him and for Him. He is right by my side the same as He was the day I wore that little blue suit, sitting in the vast sea of adults. I had no fear that day and I should have none now. He is with me always,and I have nothing to fear. And, so, my Faith increases a little bit more, today.

Thank you, Father God, thru Jesus’ name