Journal Entry: Marty Brian Robbins-02/06/24 Sharpening the saw

Journal Entry

I sharpen the saw ( 7 Habits) in the usual way, using a persistence and perseverance file. Tools I have in my tool bag for life. I sit to write by placing my writing/wisdom board upon my lap. My writing table is a small piece of paneling that fits comfortably across my lap making it easy for me to write as I sit in my chair. The reason I call it my writing/wisdom table is because covering the surface of it are quotes that inspire me. Quotes by Emerson, Plato, Frankl, Irving, Shakespeare, and many more. Let me not forget to mention the Bible. This way inspiration is never far away for me. The majority of my day is spent with doing some sort of study upon my wisdom board. I have even added one of my own ‘Moderation is not a key in beating (my) addictions’.

I’m constantly making a picture for my subconscious by way of my conscious mind of the future I’ll live after prison. The time I’ll spend with my children(three generations) being able to pass on knowledge and be an example. To be an ear for listening, a lap to sit upon for love and affection. I’ll be a lifeline, always, when needed. I’m sure there will be times when I’ll be called for watch duty, but I’m all for it. I’m not in a box no more ,and I’m ready to feel the love of my family, up close and with hugs, no more through the box. I feel solid where I’m at in my recovery from my addictions. But I’m taking no chances, for this reason, I add more tools to my tool bag for life.

When I arrived at Sandstone FCI prison I had been clean from any kind substance while in county jail. I started to attend AA meetings, I was given a one year chip for my sobriety. Never before had I been clean from any substance for this long in forty years. I was proud of this chip, I carried every where in my pocket. One day in the unit I was caught off guard, somebody in the unit handed me something and I took a hit. Maybe I thought what will it hurt, not for sure what I was thinking, but I did it. I went back to my bunk, asking myself ‘What had I done ?’ The whole time I sat there high, I screamed at myself on the inside, fighting to get away from being high. I was looking for myself, I wanted me back. I enjoyed being me, just me and nothing covering me up. The next day I went and gave the chip back. They said it will be here waiting for you. That was five years ago, I’m clean from any drugs or alcohol. My gambling, I have about one and half years free. ( another story.)

I now attend NA/AA meeting twice a week. Next week I’ve been selected to chair the meeting for the first of many to come, in and out of prison. I will be a regular part of AA/NA organization for the rest of my years. Not just for myself, but for others like me. (Broken Arrows)I’ve taken on knowing the 12 steps of sobriety from the beginning to get to know the steps for now and the future. I’m adding tools to my ‘tool bag for life’ daily.

“A wise man will make tools of what comes to hand”