This morning I think about building a new routine. I’m not talking about the routine when I have to go to mainline to eat, otherwise, I miss out, or the stand-up counts, I have no choice whether to participate in or not, or going to work when I’m scheduled. I’m thinking about everything in between routines. The routine I set for myself. Set times for exercise, a set time for this study or that study, a set time for journal writing. A time for calling family, which doesn’t take much time now since we are on restriction for two- five-minute phone calls per day. But in time this will be lifted.
I have a required routine, as most all of us do in life, but then I have what I call my growth routine. I guess that is what I’ll call it, a routine I can improve myself from yesterday. Whether it is one more rep of exercise from yesterday, learning a new verb conjugation in Spanish, or uncovering a new ‘ah- ha’ moment within myself or spiritually. If within these areas I get nowhere in feeling that I’ve bettered myself from yesterday then I always have my Ace in the hole, and that is doing G-d’s will. As long as I can be on the lookout for where I can help others, if it is only saying ‘Good morning’ or a ‘hello’ in passing, an ear for listening to someone who is feeling down. These two things I focus on each day, Growth within myself and a place I can help others ‘God’s will’.
There are times when these ‘growth routines ‘ are disrupted. This is where I’ve learned what I can control and what I cannot control. Before prison I was a control freak, I had to control everything and everyone around me or at least I tried. What a fool I was. Anyways, routines are always changing for one reason or another. So I adjust, I don’t get upset because things are not going the way I planned. I’m not in control of what is external or out of my control. Doesn’t mean I cannot exercise because there is no recreational equipment to utilize. I’ll just add what I do now at my bunk for exercises in the morning, a few squats, a few push-ups, and I’m good for now. I build a new routine so I can keep myself strong mentally, physically, and spiritually. It all goes together to make a complete package, that’s the way I look at it.
As I read over my entries for today or any day, I see that they are written perfectly. In which I don’t brag on being a great writer, but that I do like to write. (not a great typist either, but I’m learning little by little) I’ve discovered this within myself these past years in prison. Writing helps me to discover more of myself, I may solve a problem I’m dealing with and I find the answer through writing, sometimes to G-d. There are many prayers that I’ve written to my Higher Power and many of them have been answered in some form or another. This, alone, has built my faith in G-d by writing.
So if you read my entries, they are not one to criticize and pick apart. They are first of all for myself to help see and find growth within myself from where I once was in life. Then they are for my family to get to know more of who I’m, and then, hopefully, for the person who may struggle in life and that they themselves can find some sort of anything from my far from perfect writings.
“From a little spark may burst a mighty Flame” (Dante)
