Every day that I’ve spent in here has been consumed with numerous dreams. Initially it was just to be free. I’ve sought the dream of freedom over everything else. Then I sat one day, staring out the window at blades of grass dancing in the wind, and realized to myself, what is “freedom” if it’s given to me with no purpose?
What is… my purpose? What am I going to do with said ‘Freedom’ when I receive it? And what is a more conducive dream?
Now, I go into everyday with a mission, a purpose and an overall dream which is coming home and leaving a positive legacy behind me, one that my son can look at and be proud to call me his father. A legacy that is filled with the dedication of me to other’s in the pursuit of giving others what I didn’t have. I’m a public servant now. When I wake up in here, I put on my shoes and prepare to do what I call, “Beating the pavement!” I’m walking back and forth all day trying to reach those that can’t be reach. If I reach one, then I feel good about my day because so many of these young guys now are so traumatized and scarred. That dictates their rationale and the way the view the world and they lash out continuously at everything and everyone because they don’t know how to articulate their feelings. And that’s one of my worst fears, is that my son will have to endure that same curse.
When I was incarcerated he was two years old. He is now going to be twenty one next month. It’s funny, that not being around him for his entire life that he aspires to do some of the same things that I want to do with my life. We talked about helping others and creating a system that would help women who have been victims of violence and domestic abuse, once. I also want to help at-risk youth, if I’m able to as well. But it was so amazing to me that my son had these interest, because I never knew how deep my own son was because I haven’t had the privilege of being in his life.
A few weeks ago, my older brother, surprisingly express the same sentiment. Now most would say that was a strange coincidence, but I call it confirmation. God works in mysterious ways my mother would say. But it gave me more motivation to start researching and creating a system that will help me achieve the goals that I set forth. And all the tools I need are given to me now through my job as a Peer Support Specialist. I even wrote myself a mission statement. It goes as follows:
The Mission of our Peer Specialist is to exude moral courage in the face of adversity, and do so, daily, by exhibiting a host of core values: Accountability; Compassion; Empathy; Equality; Diversity Sensitivity; Integrity; Religious Tolerance; and Resilience. To facilitating classes and Training that’s provided under the direct supervision of Psychology staff. As a Peer Specialist we will provide One-on-one mental health checks utilizing active listening skills to the AIC population and assist staff with bridging the gap between officer and AIC’s as mediators to create a safer and more productive environment.
I love being a PSS, and here are a few recent proud achievements as a Peer Support Specialist:
On Thursday, February 20, 2025, we, as Peer Support Specialist, were given the opportunity to speak to a group of students from FMU, Francis Marion University, out of Florence South Carolina. (More to follow in next entry)
On Friday March 28, 2025 I was able to lead my team of Peer Support Specialist and headline my very own Seminar. A very proud moment for me. It was called “FACING YOUR DEMONS” and I wanted to create a format that would touch on things that we face on a day to day basis and the response from AIC’s; Staff: and Executive Staff was so amazing. I plan to provide a detail synopsis in my next journal entry. But it gave me a chance to show people an artistic side of me and to actually show my vulnerability as well. I’ve face many demons in my life and I NEEDED to do this to forgive myself and to heal and to reach others that could be struggling and not know that people out their are just as broken or hurt and can relate; can be a lifeline… it was a proud moment for me…
All the things I do help me realize my dream and my path, and that is to help as many people as I can everyday, because it in turn helps me, helps me make amends for those I’ve hurt, and for all the things I’ve done that I’m not proud of. I try to be better today than I was yesterday everyday, and I will not dishonor the memory of those I’ve cause pain by failing in here, I will not fail my parents, my son and my family or myself… and if I stumble I will not stay down… I have a purpose and a dream and I want to live it out to the fullest of my abilities’…
