I woke up a little late this AM, thankful that I was able to get some sleep. I have been thinking
about worship since last night and can’t wait to get to church and praise the lord. I typed up yesterday’s
journal and sent it into the interns over at prison professors. They have had trouble uploading my
material into the website and apparently they did not receive a couple of documents that I sent the
other day as well. Apparently nothing happens very fast over there as I don’t see any update this AM.
Service was amazing, spent 1 ½ hrs worshiping on our feet. The holy spirit was filling the room
and we just kept praising his mighty name. Anele stated that something in our lives has to change in
order for us to get closer to God in our lives. She mentioned something that hit home to me, but I
probably shouldn’t write about it as my wife may read this sometime in the future. I’ve been reading
another book by Viktor Frankl and it’s very powerful. I’m still seeking my life’s meaning, but not sure
that I’ve been on the right path. That was confirmed again by pastor’s Aneli and Roberto yesterday.
After church we went to Walgreens to get some vitamins. While Ihla was getting the pills, I
called Mom and talked to her for a while. She sounds good and happy, but I know that she’s lost a few
steps. I’m thankful that God has given her a long life and she is free from the oppression that she was
living in over in Merritt Island with my sister Kathy and her husband Bill. They are both alcoholics and did
not treat my mother very well. My other sister Teresa helped get her into an Independent living facility
where she’s flourished and is really happy. She’s surrounded with people she can relate to and has
found a male friend in a guy named Tyler. I’ve never met him, but he sounds very nice and treats her
well. I believe that he’s slightly older than her, but the two of them get along well together. I think
companionship is very important in life, which brings me back to the earlier paragraph and the struggles
I’m having in my relationship with the wife. Our relationship has gone cold. I’m losing patients with her
daily as time marches on towards my fate for incarceration. Sigmund Freud stated that sexuality and
aggressive wishes are primary motivating forces in human life. I don’t have a sex life and for 13 years I
have been suppressing these urges and feelings of inadequacy and suffering emotional stress from lack
of physical contact with the one who is supposed to love me unconditionally. Reading the bible, in
Colossians, and other books, it talks about how the woman is supposed to love their husbands and
submit to them with their bodies as our bodies are one in the eyes of the lord. I’m not sure how much
longer I can endure this relationship.
Anyway after church, we took Buggsie to the park and walked the bike trail. There were three
kids (something we don’t have) came over to pet Buggsie. They were so excited and really loved petting
him. We walked for about 2 miles and came back home. There were other things we discussed about
preparing for prison, mainly financial issues. It appears that I will have to curtail my spending as it will be
limited in jail. Not sure that the wife will give me what I need to survive in prison. We did some
additional research on the website of Prison Professors to get some answers. I showed her some books
that I collected in my shopping cart in ThriftBooks. She’ll hopefully be able to order them and have them
sent to me in prison.
It was a rather uneventful day, full of angst and anxiety. I hope that I can get through the next
week without losing my mind. I have to keep positive and continue to look for meaning in all of this. I
look forward to Thursday’s golf with my friends who will take me to lunch after the round. I have a
dentist appointment in a few minutes. There’s a whole story about this that contains scheduling issues
with the Dentist Place. I plan on getting another dentist once I get out of prison.
