Today I woke up a bit late. I was going to wake up around 6:00 to begin reading the bible before heading over to the pantry to assist the driver Marcos in going to Winn Dixie and Publix grocery stores to get supplies for the food distribution today. Marcos has a led foot and sped most of the way traveling at high speeds for a 1990 F350 that has 285000 miles on it towing a trailer with a generator on it. I was nervous about his driving to say the least, but didn’t say a word. Pray about everything and worry about nothing.
The pantry was pretty well stocked today, however there were only a few volunteers that stayed for the long haul (i.e. pantry closes at 4:30 PM). I stayed until 3:15 after getting there slightly after 7:00AM. There’s this lady who shows up about once per month who basically grabs a folding chair and sits down in the middle of the operation and does as little as possible to help out. Today, and most days that she shows up, she took two huge boxes of meat and food and had me load them into her car. This woman probably weighs 300 lbs. and doesn’t miss a meal. She works so slowly and does very little to justify taking all that food and Julio knows this, but does nothing to address the problem. I expect it to continue for some time after I leave for prison.
No one cooked for the workers today. Usually Julio or JR ask me to cook something, however, because of my circumstances, I that they didn’t want to trouble me this week. Julio went out and grabbed some chicken wings from Publix down the street and aske me to say a prayer prior to our feast. People wanted to pray for me and asked God to not let me go into jail at all. I know that this is not reality, but confidently smiled and moved on to the meal. There were only 6 people working there today which was very difficult. I had to do 4 different jobs very quickly to keep up with the 200+ families that were fed today.
I was able to grab some groceries today from the pantry and Lisa, who has a prosthetic leg, reserved a couple of T-bones and Ribeye’s for me, along with some eggs. She has sympathy for my situation treats me well because she is extremely discontent about my sentence and what the government is doing to all the J6ers. Again, she’s not the only one in the pantry that feels that way.
I came home tonight, took a quick nap, and then seasoned a Ribeye and a Filet Mignon that we had in the freezer. Ihla cooked some corn that we got from a farmer down on Powell Rd. and heated up a couple of russet potatoes. I cooked the steaks on the grill and we had a feast!
After dinner, I texted Dennis to see if he wants to go for a bike ride tomorrow AM. He was here yesterday to deliver some huge scants that he removed from his new house, six in all, and gave them to us. He helped me install them yesterday (forgot to mention this in yesterday’s journal) and we installed 3 of the six. He then stayed a while longer to help Ihla sign up for social security benefits. During our discussions, he stated that he had purchased a new bicycle because he wanted to lose some weight per doctor’s orders. Well the bike apparently came today and when I texted him to see if he wanted to take a ride tomorrow, he mentioned that he also received a bike rack for the car. He will load up the bike and take it over tomorrow morning (9:00 AM) so we can ride over to Anderson Snow road and take the bike trail. Should be fun…
Tonight I decided to continue reading a book by Viktor Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning, not to be confused with the other book of his that I read, The will to Meaning. In this book are Viktor’s recollection of the experience of his captivity in a Nazi concentration camp. It’s so interesting and sad at the same time. How can any human being treat other human being with such cruelty, demeaning them to the lowest level of existence, yet somehow this man was able to get through the horrors of this encampment even though nothing that is comprehensible could ever describe the torture and inhuman suppression of the will to live that he endured. Well, that will be my next book report, which I look forward to doing as it appears that many of the principles that he describes in this book, I suspect, I’ll be able to relate. No matter the confinement, the rules seem to remain the same, just not at the same extreme levels.
The wife and I took the dog for a walk around the block again tonight. We talked about a few things that I will encounter in my confinement but didn’t say much. I sometimes feel that she doesn’t really understand what’s going to happen. Additionally, I’m feeling that maybe being away from her for a year or so will somehow grow our love for one another. Right now, I don’t feel loved at all and sometimes miss the touch of a woman. It’s been 13 years since we’ve been intimate and according to Frankl and other phycologists, sex is a major part of the male mindset. I’ve been suppressing physical contact for 13 years and am now feeling the effects of that suppression. I simply do not feel loved and appreciated. I’m sure that my celibacy will prove useful in prison as that urge to desire physical contact has long since been dormant.