Saturdays are hard days for me. Especially the rare Saturdays we don’t work. I’ve really been in survival mode since COVID with small reprieves at times.
COVID represents a time of total instability and change.
Quickly after the lockdowns began my business was overwhelmed financially. It was a cash operation but I was growing fast right before COVID, too fast I realize now. COVID spiralled it out of control. It is wise to only run about 80% capacity at max but we were already at 100% and onboarding sub contractors to handle the difference. For the first time I thought I had the whole package together and was working to establish the business as a twenty five year powerhouse locally. COVID. Within a week I took my first loan to bridge the shortfalls off the jobs we were on, we were building a horse farm for one job and ended up mucking stalls and feeding horses and doing the mowing and weed eating in the mornings before we set out to do the construction work and manage other jobs. The days became very long for us. Two of the younger ones in the crew came to live me me so we could abide by the ever-changing social distancing requirements. Materials became scare and hard to secure. Public bathrooms were all but non existent. This was nearly apocalyptic conditions to me and those of us that continued to work through this period. Because we were out already, many would call us to drop off goods for them, “so they wouldn’t have to be exposed.” It felt like we were test pilots. It was a surreal time and many heard me comment, “it was the best of times, it was the worst of times…”. It was in my mind often. 16-20 hour days seven days a week quickly became the norm. We were getting sick often, we were exhausted, and we felt the weight of all those that needed help. The worst part, we had to keep going because we all knew most of the crew lived paycheck to paycheck and had families.
Meanwhile the church was in turmoil. My place of stability for most of my life was struggling in number but as well with the new rules. Another place that could not afford to miss weekly contributions and had needs. I’ve maintained the building for nearly 25 years, the mowing and general care. I was the young minister once… As the numbers dwindled and members died off, I had leaned more on the business and been more of a supporter and many times able to make up financial shortfalls for the church. But Covid. The church stopped meeting, the place was poorly maintained as church buildings are, mice infested quickly in the country church house followed by snakes. Within two months water was sitting in the basement and mold was forming . I had to do something. Covid
Divorce. I was married 22 years with two children. Covid. The marriage wasn’t great. I’m sure she thought so as well. We had become partners living in the same house raising children, sort of. Something changed, she didn’t come home on a Monday night, after great concerns calls and texts from me and my son, about 11 pm she texted and she declared she was at my salesman’s house and would be staying there for “a while.”This has never happened in 22 years. Covid
Mom and dad. My job for the last 20 years was to visit and watch my father. I could tell when he was playing with his medication usually, but two times a week we were together normally. I would visit on Sundays and Wednesdays and do things with him but. COVID. I did not know the VA was reducing his medicine. It had taken years to get him stable. I did not see the changes. I could only sit in the driveway late in the evenings and talk to them through an open window. Mom could never speak directly or inform us of trouble because of the paranoia and the extent of anger that could come. Dad was full blown paranoid manic depression schizophrenia again, and there was no stopping it. I saw him getting brighter and brighter, but missed it. This resulted into their separation and divorce quickly. One night mom called out driving late. I had to drop everything and rescue her from the road and take her to my sister’s for safety. We drove 14 hours that night after working an all nighter the night before. What a time. Covid. Wen we came back, I had to disarm him, he had collected a weapon. God, that was an intense day. Jonathan came with me, my son, that was an intense time.
My family, my church, my business were all affected within weeks of the shutdown..my life has been unsorted since. So many things happened right there that changed my trajectory. Most things have been worked through and new norms established, but I still see that Covid spring as the most destructive time in my life. That’s saying a lot for me.
