Today I was thinking, why am I having difficulty with journaling everyday.
I have an aversion to speaking out loud what I do especially for others. Biblically I was always taught don’t let the right hand know what your left hand does! This has become my mantra, and I’ve gotten really good at acting like I don’t do anything for anybody LOL. It’s even uncomfortable to say this in my own journal that I do something for somebody else LOL.
At times I’ve had difficulty even as a preacher to pray in public about anything meaningful because it was too personal and really shouldn’t be shared with others. I really have a privacy issue I think.
Either way I’m going to keep getting better at chronicling my days and thoughts and try not to be too wordy.
Today was a Good Friday. We did our normal work quickly, finish repairing some doors, get the check go to the bank put it in take it out pay bills. The normal stuff. We accomplished it really before about 11:00. I had a meeting at 1:00 that I wanted to be prepared for, but still barely made it. It was a meeting with a not-for-profit called prison professors. I was honored to be able to do a master class on my life and what allowed me to succeed in different venues throughout my life coming from really a troubled past. The difficulty is, and after hearing myself talk today it really is a troubled past with a lot of obstruction from my young age, but I never saw that way I just saw it as life. I was honored to be mentioned and allowed to do this and be helpful to others. I’m even more impressed that the interviewer was so clear of thought and quickly had a way to isolate main points to benefit others. Once again, with my privacy issues, the interviewer perceived and asked the right questions to get me to talk. I talked so much we didn’t get through all my life but he found some pretty good points that others could use to help them get started. I was impressed very much with the interviewer. My honor to even be mentioned in this.
I received a call from Junior today. Junior’s been with me on and off for the last 30 years. His mother left him at the church and ran off with a man and asked me to take care of him when she left. He was 16 but he was mentally slow I think the State said he had an IQ of 79 after several tests. Throughout the years he would become independent and I wouldn’t hear much from him and then within 6 or 8 months he would be in crisis and call me crying looking for a direction. At one point I was able to help him get disability hoping it would bring him some stability and peace. He had expressed to me that he wanted to work for money and didn’t want the government money anymore. So for several years I used him as a personal helper on the jobs and just paid him like everyone else. Today’s he’s in crisis. This is the first time I can do no more than to talk to him on the phone and remind him of baseline life, and what he needs to do and get his mind straight to get a job get a house get a car. He’s on the edge and occasionally in time past i would let him live with me to help him get back on his feet. He’s 44 now and I’m just not in a position at all at the moment to help. This is the first time I really could only encourage him to get to life and take responsibility for all that he could and to focus on what it needed to do to eat, have shelter, and get some transportation. He’s at the bottom but he’s going to have to make it this time. Ouch.
Each day has its events, it has been a beautiful day, we did finish our work early today that was nice, we have enough to pay the bills and we made it to Save-A-Lot to get some more canned goods. So very good day LOL
