Journaling is really a new thing for me. I’ve always internalized my thoughts, but I’m finding really quickly that the journaling allows me to remember things, to think about things and hear myself talk out loud seems to be really good and healthy.
Today I awoke feeling wrecked by my back. Days like this it takes me 10 or 15 minutes to literally walk. It’s an old injury, and I’ve become accustomed to dealing with this. Once the initial pain passes in the morning and things get stretched out it’ll be all right. I will say though used to it or not it’s still annoying to start a day this way LOL.
Every morning starts out with the phone calls from jobs and details that need to be handled as I’m driving to the first job. Sometimes we have to pick up materials along the way. We did electrical work on one job, installed door materials on another. We keep moving pretty efficiently. But today Jonathan had a migraine. Migraine Day means I’m finishing whatever we’re doing he’s sitting in the truck throwing up probably can’t see, he may not be able to feel his hands arm or leg. And just for an added bonus he’s in tremendous pain and frustrated that this is facing him. Obviously I’m finishing as quickly as I can and preparing to do work tomorrow alone. This is one of the many reasons we’re self-employed. He’s only 23 and thought of so many things he’d like to have done but these migraines are so unpredictable. He talked about being a fighter pilot, or even a commercial airline pilot. At one time he was playing soccer in Europe with farm teams getting tested for the bigger teams. He was really a tremendous athlete, but migraines. There are a lot of things people can do, but the fear of being blinded temporarily or being somewhere and not being able to get yourself home causes him to tend to stay close to me. Most days at 6’4, and 300 lbs he’s carrying me doing all the labor and much of the skill, he intends to keep the physical pressure off me. Today, I will drive him home and guide him inside as soon as I can get everything cleaned up and the tools put away. My only concern in the back of my mind, my mother always told me my father started having migraines in this late teens and early twenties. For my father it was the beginning of his schizophrenia. I am well aware that this is in the family and each generation has a person affected by this illness, and I’m just hopeful that Jonathan just has migraines.
I guess today is just a mixed day. Grace, who is my wife or soon to be wife from Kenya called. We text throughout the day and night, but she called. She’s not a needy person,very self reliant. When she DOES call she needs a little support and reassurance. I can’t get back to her right now physically, so Im definitely available for he when she calls as long as she needs. She is carrying my baby and she has had a very long day and night of throwing up and cramping and different issues. I respect her so much for doing this while I’m in the US and she’s in Kenya. She and I both know it will take some time to accomplish even a fiance visa to get her here. This stresses me, I never intended to have a baby that I couldn’t be there for or for Grace. She’s so sweet, she’s mentally strong and so supportive of me in everything, patient. She knows she will probably have the baby without me there. There’s not much more I can do right now. I can support her, I can make sure she’s financially well, and I can be ready for her anytime she calls. She’s really an unbelievable woman.
Today has not been as focussed as I would like, I think I need to reset, get to bed early, and start again tomorrow.
