Journal Entry: Georgiana Elizabeth Jones-04/03/2024

Journal Entry

As I sit here thinking of all the ways I planned out how my time would be spent, now 2 years in, I have the tendency lately to get bitter. I tried my best to put myself in position for positive changes, seeking classes that will enhance my successful release potential. I’ve been motivated to change not only by my beautiful family and friends, yet also by my conscience in general, as, like most, I seek to be a good person and a contributing member of society. I have had quite a few good starts, many hopes, and many doors to knock on, yet one after another it was shown to me the doors were closed. No Dental Hygienist program for me, no Cosmetology teacher available, no seminary, not even welding. I was and still am willing to do whatever I believe will allow me to present better, and while I have probably around 120-ish certificates, in the past 5 months I haven’t been able to obtain a single one that will help me to drop my “points” low enough to be released early, as the carrot that is waived in this case is IMPOSSIBLE to obtain at my current facility. My behavior has been impeccable, without a single write-up, yet and still, I can’t hit a “low custody” since my criminal history accounts for so many points. After reaching this point I did become a tad bitter, yet and still I searched for my meaning here. Yes, I am at the end of the day paying for my mistakes, so I can humbly accept that if that’s all that’s accomplished then that’s enough for my conscience. Yet is THAT even accomplished?? ?? Will society see it that way? We know the answer to that. Can I blame them? Not really. So as I look for ways to let society see I am working to build a better me, a better member of the community, instead of looking outward I am looking in. Books have been my best guide, yet alarmingly hard to find in this facility are books that motivate or offer what I will call a higher purpose. Thank you Mr.Santos not just for your books, but for your references as well! I am currently reading through Plato and am completely enraptured by it! My goals at this point have changed, slightly. I constantly look for ways to make things better here. I realize (many grievances later) that change will have to begin from another point of contact. I can do my part here, yet many things I would like to hold the BOP accountable for are much better handled once released. While here I will focus on what I have available, which is an incredible yard to work out in, much time to study the bible and other great writings, and a program to better prepare me for dealing with my emotions and addiction issues. Basically, instead of what my country can do for me, it is what I can do for my country, lol. In this case, STAY SOBER and get a job, which sounds a lot like what my grandmother told me decades ago. 🙂 Thank you again for your guidance and consistent motivation. I am advocating for us to be able to download motivational speakers on our tablets. That’s all for now. God bless.