“Todd” (not his real name) came into my life almost two months ago. Knowing him has brought out qualities in me I didn’t know I had, and has allowed me to more objectively examine who I am as a person.
Todd is an inmate here who arrived about 2 months ago. I first met Todd in the Education Center when he tagged along with my colleague to work. He had newly arrived and was housed in my colleague’s unit. I introduced my self and immediately knew that Todd had special needs.
In my conversation with Todd, I found that he was 34 years old and from the midwest – – not too far from where I was born and raised. He was on the autism spectrum disorder scale and lived in a group setting. We had a nice introductory conversation and the next day found that he had been moved to my housing unit for a more permanent residence. As he had previously met me, he stayed by my side and continues to do so for much of the time.
As I have gotten to know Todd, I have learned much more about him, specifically his abilities and disabilities. He has a speech impediment which makes him sound far more delayed than he really is. Todd actually possesses a fairly high degree of intelligence. I have watched him play chess, for example. While not the best player, he really isn’t too bad. He reads at, at least a high-school level based on the books I’ve seen him read.
What Todd lacks, however, is judgement and common sense. This is quite unfortunate, especially in a place like this. I have found myself not only assuming a friendship role with Todd, but a parental role as well – – which is quite a new experience for me.
Todd needs guidance with almost everything. I have had to ensure that he showers daily. He needs guidance in filling out his commissary request forms and really with almost every routine decision that one makes on a daily basis. “Should I make taffy?”, “Do you think I should buy a tablet”, “Do you think I should go to Recreation”, “My tooth hurts. Do you think I should go to the dentist”? “Do you think I have a cavity”. These are just some of the questions that get posed to me day after day.
I find myself being somewhat protective of Todd. As he lacks common sense, I’m acutely aware he’s an easy target to be taken advantage of. He told me once he lost a lot of stamps (our currency) betting on a sports game. I know that he has limited funds and I tried to suggest to him that gambling might not be the best thing to do with limited funds – that he enjoyed movies and it might be better to use his money for that.
I see him talking to inmates who I know are involved with drugs – either taking or dealing, and that worries me. They might try to scam him to get his money so they can buy drugs. I have counseled him that while it’s important to be respectful and friendly to everyone, to never give money (or stamps) to anyone – don’t lend anything to anyone that you can’t afford to lose, and don’t borrow anything from anyone that you can’t immediately pay back.
As I reflect on my dealings with Todd, I’m learning a lot about myself and finding I have some qualities that I didn’t know I possessed. I feel very parental around Todd. It’s a weird feeling for me since I’m not now, and have never been a parent. It’s a tremendous responsibility, and I’m honestly not sure I really enjoy it. However, I do have a new found respect for those who are parents. It’s an exhausting, never-ending job. Kudos to those parents out there!
Todd really tries my patience. Not only does he often follow me around asking me all kinds of questions, but he doesn’t read social clues. If I’m engaged in something and look occupied, it doesn’t register with Todd and he will interrupt my concentration. While outwardly I try to be very calm and patient, inside I’m often at my wits end. Being patient usurps a lot of my energy!
Todd will be leaving at the end of August. On one hand, I’ll be relieved. On the other hand, I will miss him. Despite all the challenges he puts me through on a daily basis, he is a good soul and we do share some fun times.
I do owe a lot to Todd. He’s taught me a lot about myself and brought out good qualities that I’m really proud of. I’ve learned a lot. Thank you, Todd, and all the best to you in the future . . .
