Another day, awake and blessed. Having faith is such a great thing, I prayed last night for my neighbor to receive a bible and last night while I was sleeping I received a bible. Now I can give my neighbor my bible with verses highlighted so he can take home with him. I have been mentoring this kid, he is young and has no family, so he feels alone. I have been talking to him and helping him see that a positive life is better than a criminal life. He is excited about going back into society and achieving his goals. This allowed me to practice mentoring and achieve a goal all in one.
Pain by Fernando Cordova
Pain, how is it felt? How is pain described? How does one know something is painful? Pain can be felt in so many forms, yet some no longer feel pain.
We know the feeling of physical pain. This may come from the prick of a spine when walking barefoot, or even worse, the feeling of a broken bone. What about the pain of losing a loved one? Or even the possibility if losing a loved one while incarcerated? Death is publicized so often these days that we must wonder if the loss of a life has lessened. I can recall as a child, as well as a young adult, the loss of a loved one was a traumatic event. It was felt deep within my heart, almost like a punch in the chest, and for days, even weeks, I would feel a sense of loss. Waiting for them to come through the door or hear their laugh.
Pain seemed so surreal and profound, I had a feeling of dismay. It could only be described as pure anguish. A feeling of helplessness and the question of, “Could I have done anything to save my loved one?” come to mind. As the years passed by and I remained in a cell, these feelings started to vanish from my inner being. Residing in a place where violence is the norm and death is constant, pain no longer felt the same, if even felt at all. We would be more concerned if we were coming out of our cells than if someone had passed on. Now, you encounter many different types of people with varying terms,
so when it comes to speaking of the possibility of death to a loved one while away, it is very taboo. Nobody wants to be the one to speak that to existence, nor have to face the reality that we have failed our family and friends.
This is where the mind tends to disconnect the sensors of emotional pain. I have endured many losses in my years of incarceration, and I can honestly say I have not felt the pain or anguish I felt as a child. I had written before about the loss of my father in 2008 and how I felt an immediate loss at that very moment, but within a few hours, it all disappeared. This can not be defined as natural closure for a man that created me. We tend to suppress those feelings not to be seen as weak or subdued. In a culture that tells of through movies and novels the man, in these moments, must remain stoic and not shed a tear. The woman is the only one who needs to be seen, distraught and frantically crying. Yet, at what point did this become acceptable to us? Many of us hide from our emotions. Why? Honestly, as I write these words, I need closure for all the losses in my life.
Pain allows one to feel alive and have the question of why did this take place. This can bring us to consider the moral values we are lacking. I am content now to welcome pain and tribulation because this will make me more appreciative of all the things I have taken for granted. The fear of losing someone is present in our minds, yet what are we doing to show we appreciate their existence? I know personally, I have had a complete disregard for my loved ones or even the possibility of losing them because I was so focused on my life, wants, and needs that I lost touch with them. Instead of making a memory, I chose to ignore them.
In conclusion, we all feel pain, yet we choose to suppress this emotion for our selfish reasons. We tend to place so much importance on frivolous things that we lose sight of those precious moments we could have. Pain should be embraced, as this will give us appreciation.
