DIY 7 HABITS: HABIT 6 / SYNERGIZE
We live in a time of acute divisiveness. With his typical prescience, Dr. Covey titled the chapter on Habit 6 “Principles of Creative Cooperation.” Those four words stand decades after he penned them as an appeal to us to express out highest and best selves in how we interact with one another. We are beings of potential who possess the gift of creative vision, a gift that is magnified in its power when exercised in cooperation with others. As Covey boldly stated, “When properly understood, synergy is the highest activity in all life–the true test and manifestation of all the other habits put together.”
Dr. Covey looked at the interpersonal and organizational dysfunction during his time and lamented the loss for individuals and humanity. “This represents one of the greatest tragedies and wastes in life, because so much potential remains untapped–completely undeveloped and unused,” he wrote. “Ineffective people live day after day with unused potential. They exercise synergy only in small, peripheral ways in their lives.” Too many of us are deeply scripted in distrust, disconnection, and defensiveness. We aren’t taught the value of synergy and our gifts are sadly squandered. One can only imagine what he would say were he alive to see how far we have fallen into polarization in our society, and how counter-productive the entrenchment of opposing sides is.
It does not have to be this way. In Habit 1 we learned that as proactive people, we can choose to rewrite our scripts whenever we want. We can replace the flawed paradigm of tribalism with the principle of synergy at our center, and begin living differently in relation to our fellow humans immediately. In so doing we can realize our full potential, solve problems, and capitalize on opportunities.
It’s often the case that in living the principle-centered life Dr. Covey prescribes, we must bring courage, or as he called it, “internal security,” to the table. We have to step out of the crowd and break with convention. Practicing Habit 6 (Synergize) is no different. We will often have to take the lead. If we can muster up the requisite fortitude, the possibilities open up. Covey explained that “[synergy] means that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. It means that the relationship that the parts have to each other is a part in and of itself. It is not only a part, but the most catalytic, the most empowering, and the most exciting part.” Synergizing is not compromising or merely combining pre-existing ideas or stuff. It is an act of creation shared between people. It is fulfilling what is arguably our highest purpose. It is magical.
Communication is at the heart of synergy and the Habit 6 teaching lays out a maturity continuum up which we must progress:
* Level 1 / Defensive: Born of low trust environments and relationships; characterized by defensiveness, protectiveness, and legalistic language.
* Level 2 / Respectful: The way fairly mature people interact; characterized by politeness and compromise, but not empathy and deep understanding.
* Level 3 / Synergistic: Exists in relationships of deep trust that have been earned; characterized by win/win thinking and third alternative ideas and solutions.
Achieving relationship and communication at this level of maturity takes groundwork, and might be highly counter-cultural depending on the context. Some organizations and institutions are beset by lowest common denominator thinking. The worst about people is assumed, and laws, policies, and rules are enacted to combat the shortcomings of the few at the expense of the many. Guard rails are important, but unfortunately, they often morph into a suffocating force that infantilizes, stifles creativity, stunts growth, and hinders progress. When every decision goes through the legal department, we know that potential is being wasted.
If, however, we practice the 7 Habits and can lead in our relationships by lifting others up and helping them to think maturely, cultural change can be achieved. Sean Covey provided and shorthand process for how to make interactions synergistic:
“1. Define the problem or opportunity
2. This way (seek first to understand the ideas of others)
3. My way (seek to be understood by sharing your ideas)
4. Brainstorm (create new options and ideas)
5. High way (find the best solution)”
Of course, as is the case with every technique that the Coveys teach, if it is not practiced from a place of integrity, others will see through us and resist. In this instance integrity means that we must be genuinely open-minded to other perspectives. Dr. Covey exhorts us, “Valuing the differences is the essence of synergy–the mental, the emotional, the psychological differences between people…The person who is truly effective has the humility and reverence to recognize his own perceptual limitations and to appreciate the rich resources available through interaction with hearts and minds of other human beings. That person values the differences because those differences add to his knowledge, to his understanding of reality.” If we think we know it all, we’re locked in limitation. To unleash potential, we must value the differences.
Our group discussion focused on trust and differences. It is the sad reality that the prison environment is dysfunctional and low trust, and for good reason. Among the ranks of the staff and residents, many of the people are not trustworthy. Members of our group try to lead by example by being trustworthy ourselves, but we are stingy in extending trust. It would be a far better environment for all involved if it were otherwise, but it’s not. We make the best of it without internalizing the institutional mindset which reinforces limitation.
What we are free to do with no risk is value differences. Our core group leader shared that he shows up in every setting in the spirit of respecting and valuing the different backgrounds and viewpoints of others. There is rich life experience to discover and learn from for those who seek to uncover it.
I have gotten to know some of the men with whom I live and it often breaks my heart to find out that they have never experienced the uplift from affirming, trusting relationships. As a society we are out of balance with regard to competition and cooperation. That imbalance results in an unfortunate loss of potential. But the tragedy that Dr. Covey referred to hits home to me when I seek to understand another human being and see first-hand the potential of their life wasted. I take it as my personal responsibility to show each man I meet that, regardless of where we came from, there is a different way to live–the principle-centered way of the 7 Habits.
