What are you about? And where are you going in life? These are the questions that Dr. Covey asks us to ponder in Habit 2, Begin with the End in Mind.
If we have accepted the full implication of Habit 1, bringing forth the superpower of our uniquely human endowments, then we are living from a place of proactivity. With great power comes great responsibility, and that means we have work to do. We ask deep questions of ourselves to gain additional clarity about what is both most important to us and what is most positively impactful on our families, friends, communities, and the world at large.
Once again, Dr. Covey invokes the wisdom of Viktor Frankl to build a bridge from Habit 1 to habit 2. Addressing the meaning of life, Frankl said, “Ultimately, man should not ask what the meaning of life is, but rather must recognize that it is he who is asked. In a word, each man is questioned by life; and he can only answer to life by answering for his own life; to life, he can only answer by being responsible.” Habit 1 tells us that we no longer let life act upon us. We act upon it. We no longer mindlessly adopt others’ perceptions of us and our lives. We are responsible for being the designers of our own lives, lives that honor the gift that is each day given to us.
This might sound lofty and conceptual, and to a certain extent it is. But it is also intensely practical. Beginning with the end in mind allows us to avoid wasted time and energy that results from not having a clear direction. As Dr. Covey described it, “…begin today with the image, picture, or paradigm of the end of your life as your frame of reference or criterion by which everything else is examined. Each part of your life–today’s behavior, tomorrow’s behavior, next week’s behavior, next month’s behavior–can be examined in the context of the whole, of what really matters most to you. By keeping that clearly in mind, you can make certain that whatever you do on any particular day does not violate the criteria you have defined as supremely important, and that each day of your life contributes in a meaningful way to the vision you have of your life as a whole.”
It is possible to be very busy, to be stressed and working ourselves to the point of exhaustion, without being effective. Knowledge of where to spend our precious time and energy must spring from our vision for ourselves and the associated, principle-centered goals.
The work that we are invited to do in Habit 2 ideally combines reflection, writing, and discussion with our loved ones. There are three key areas that Dr. Covey encourages us to examine in creating our own “script”: centers, the personal mission statement, and roles and goals. This is inside-out work and the first step is to look within to understand and take control of what is at our center.
People put various things at the center of themselves and their lives, including but not limited to spouse, family, money, work, possessions, pleasure, friends, enemies, church, and self. While it is reasonable to value most of these items, none of them suffice to serve as our center because they are inherently transitory. They change, and especially during times of hardship, in order to not be knocked off course in our lives, we need what is at our core to be changeless.
Covey sums up the risk we run when we’re improperly centered, “As a person fluctuates from one center to another, the resulting relativism is like roller coasting through life. One moment you’re high, the next moment you’re low, making efforts to compensate for one weakness by borrowing strength from another weakness. There is no consistent sense of direction, no persistent wisdom, no steady power supply or sense of personal, intrinsic worth or identity.”
By contrast, a life centered on principles that do not change with circumstances stays steady and focused, even amidst trials, tribulations, victories, and defeats. Principle-centeredness gives us access to the security of a sense of self-worth, the guidance of direction in life, the wisdom of perspective, and the power of the capacity to take action.
Having established our unchanging center, Covey encourages us to draft our personal mission statement or “constitution.” The statement is a definition of what we are setting out to make of our lives in terms of personal growth and service to others. What are you here to become? What difference will you make? These are big questions, but the answers are there for those who seek. Again, we find valuable insight from Viktor Frankl who said, “Everyone has his own specific vocation or mission in life…Therein he cannot be replaced, nor his life repeated. Thus, everyone’s task is as unique as is his specific opportunity to implement it.”
If our capacity for creative vision is undeveloped, we can build a mission from the ground up by examining roles and goals. What roles do we play in life? Parent, sibling, friend, volunteer, businessperson, etc. In each of those roles, what is our ideal picture of ourselves? What goals do we have for each role? Writing out our roles and goals, and discussing them with confidants will often result in a theme emerging that becomes our overarching mission.
The discussion in our group was interesting in that it demonstrated that to be in prison is to be at an inflection point. We are taken out of society and put in a time out of sorts. We reflect on our old lives that are now over. There is a certain amount of regret that must be processed and one our group members shared his journaling on that subject.
We also have an opportunity to reinvent ourselves, however, and the mission statements that guys shared spoke to learning from the past, letting go of it, and moving confidently into the next phase when we are released. One guy wrote that his mission is to “…bury the past and take control of my life.”
We are still in prison for the time being and we also discussed the work to be done to prepare ourselves for successful re-entry. Principle-centered living is simple, but definitely not easy, especially in this dysfunctional environment. It can be a lonely existence at times to opt out of what the crowd is doing and live in accord with your own internal compass. We are not alone though. As we live more fully and effectively, we find others who are on the same wavelength, and our example attracts still more who are at their own personal turning points.
As usual I found myself inspired by the men in the group, impressed by how Covey’s teachings never fail to make a difference for the willing, and fortified to continue doing my own personal development work.
In the Habit 2 reading, Dr. Covey suggests that we go through the exercise of imagining our funeral and what people would say to eulogize us. I wrote out my thoughts and shared them with my wife. She wrote back, “People would already say these things about you. Go bigger.” This is no time for settling for less than all I can be and do. Her challenge has been accepted.
On a daily basis, I am practicing this habit in meditation, journaling, and visualization sessions. I continue to refine the picture of the man I’m becoming, my highest and best self, and the good that man can do for his family, his community, and the world. With this crystalizing picture in my mind, I am meticulously using my time to get stronger and more skillful in all the ways necessary to realize my vision when I get home. A quote from Clayton Christensen, author and expert on business management and leadership stood out to me from the reading. In an address at a Harvard Business School reunion, he said, “Decide what you stand for. And stand for it all the time.”
I am getting increasingly clear, focused, and disciplined in how I use the time that remains for me in this incarceration experience. I am nearing the exit, and thus the end of this phase. In our discussion, one of the guys shared lines from T.S. Eliot that are apropos. “What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where it starts from.”
