(What led me to Prison)
In my previous post, I was vague about what brought me to prison, more specifically what influences led me to prison, to properly answer this question I will have to start with my childhood.
At 12 yrs. old I found my father’s crack pipe and tried it, that was the first time I experienced drugs but would not be the last time. In my family and neighborhood, I would idolize drug dealers and hustlers. when it came to school I was very smart I understood the material but found myself in special education, I was bored and got in trouble often. I need and often demanded the attention that I was not getting at home. I was in Boy School (juvenile prison) for stealing a car by the time I was 16. When I was released from boy school at the age of 18. I began selling drugs and since I did not have a fear of them because of my experience at 12 led me to use them. By the time I was 21 I was lost I had no sense of direction. I was incarcerated for the first time as an adult at the age of 19 for riding in a stolen car (again). When I was released I got married to my son’s mother who also was a drug user, so I made the crazy decision of marrying into a failing situation.
By the time I was 34 when I was arrested for this federal offense, I was fully convinced that the best I could do was be a “good” drug dealer. I would not use “hard” drugs and stay off the streets. Now looking back my plan was so far from reality and the way to success, but tell me at that time I was doing the wrong thing and I would have given you a professor’s response as to why I had the perfect plan.
Before I end this post I would like to point out something that was a great silent influence in my criminal behavior growing up.
I was infatuated with the movie “New Jack City” I wanted to be just like Nino Brown, how crazy was that? He not only turned on his whole family got most of them murdered and was eventually murdered himself, he and his operation destroyed whole communities.
Now I God that I was not as “successful” as Nino.
I have learned the importance of feeding my brain positive information, what I put in it is what I am going to get out of it, so I am careful of the things I entertain, I asked a guy yesterday, how can you tell what a person is thinking without him saying anything? watch what he is doing; words reveal so much, but actions so much more.
