Two weeks ago today, I walked up to the large FMC Lexington Prison to self-surrender. The past two weeks have been a blur. Cohabitating with 200 other inmates, from all walks of life, has been overwhelming. It’s interesting because the rules on the “outside” are much different than in prison. I did watch a lot of Orange Is the New Black before I came in to try to prepare, and honestly, some of the things in that series hold true.
First- “trust no bitches” in prison. That’s a very real thing. Most women that are here have been in and out of prison for many years. Most feel like it’s a normal “way of life”. There are maybe 10 people I have met who don’t have that mentality here. So when you come in, and they ask you a ton of questions, it’s mostly to see how they can take advantage of you. It’s hard to come in and not try to be friendly though, because you are stuck in here 24/7 with these strangers, and it’s BORING. You have to make yourself busy. I have had a few people tell me to sign up for classes and get a job so you aren’t bored. I am grateful I mailed myself books ahead of time so I wouldn’t be bored the first few days. If you don’t make a plan on how to spend your days, you can just sleep all day your first couple of weeks, and that will make you either more depressed or angry- or BOTH.
I am truly grateful to be out of my previous bully situation. My last count in that room was yesterday afternoon, and I feel as though I have a weight lifted off of me. I tried for 2 weeks to be calm with her, and it didn’t work. Sometimes you can be the ripest, juiciest and sweetest peach- and someone just won’t like peaches. I won’t lose any sleep over her not liking me. The drama she caused will die down. There are 21 more new inmates coming soon from the County Prison, and I am sure she will find someone else to torture and bully.
I am reading a new book called “We’re All Doing Time” by Bo Lozoff. Only on chapter 1 this morning, but so far it is fascinating. It was written for those in prison, but honestly, I believe all of us are in some sort of self-prison if you can’t authentically be yourself. Maybe if the people who come here and are in and out of prison a lot were shown a better way of life and given better opportunities, there would be far less people serving time. Regardless, I have a lot to learn.
Hope you are doing well; Christmas is next week, and I am trying not to think about it. At the same time, I am trying to distract myself so I don’t get too sad. Prison sucks. There isn’t a better way I can sugar coat that. I hope to hear from you and see how you’re doing. Would love to know what your holiday plans are. Miss you and love you so much,
xoxox
Mom (Carolynne)
