Land of the free?
Greetings and salutations from prison,
Before being indicted, I believed that you have to do something heinous to end up in prison. I also believed in the justice system. I defended this country proudly, while serving in the United States Air Force during Operation Desert Storm, taking an oath to defend the Constitution and leading a life of public service. My whole life has been one of serving others, as that is how my Grandma King raised me to believe life is supposed to be. “We are not put on Earth by God to serve ourselves, we are put here to serve others, Carolynne,” she would say. I knew little of the justice system, except what was sensationalized on one of my favorite TV dramas, Law & Order SVU, or in movies such as “A Time to Kill”. Prison life, as seen on “Orange is the New Black” became a study guide for me upon getting sentenced.
If I think back to how my case came about, however, and learning about others who are incarcerated with me, we are not in fact, “innocent until proven guilty”. Most Federal cases do not even go to trial. 97% of cases which are federal never make the light of day to a jury. Why is that? Because of the process of federal indictments. Before the person accused of a crime even knows they are going to be charged, the prosecution shares their “proof” of guilt to a Grand Jury, who decides whether or not there is enough evidence to take a case to trial. In financial, white collar crimes, such as mine, they consider them to be pretty black and white. But they are not. In a Federal case, there is no statute of limitations for embezzlement or fraud. So, in my case, which occurred in 2018, having an indictment many years later can occur.
In my case, retaliation occurred. Fraud occurred. My ego told me I could handle what was happening at that practice, and I failed. I was overwhelmed, trying to fix a practice that was broken, plus investigate fraud from my predecessor. I took on new duties in taxes for a practice and two S corps, as well as a convoluted payroll system and changing EMR’s. As a leader, you have to own the things that go wrong, regardless of fault. And I completely own the fact I was in way over my head in believing I could fix all of the problems at that practice. I had many years of experience, but none of my experience, nor my education prepared me for the issues at that group. While I did many things right at that practice, I ignored that “little voice” in my head that told me to run for the hills. What I did not believe would happen, is that I would see people who I once knew lie under oath for their own vendettas. I also did not believe that I, would ever have a felony conviction and be sent to prison. Being so many years later and blind sighted, I made some mistakes, and am sharing them to pay it forward so that possibly it helps those who may be suddenly indicted.
1- Do not, under any circumstance, talk to the police or FBI without a lawyer. I made the mistake of allowing an FBI agent and a detective come in my home for over an hour and speak with them, believing I was helping them with a case of fraud. My mother always told me, if I have done nothing wrong, speak to them, as I have nothing to hide. This was HORRIBLE advice from my mother, as the police and FBI can lie to you, and will twist our words and actions around for the prosecution’s benefit in your case. So, listen to Run DMC instead and “Shut up”.
2- If indicted, don’t pay thousands of dollars for a lawyer in a Federal case in a white collar crime if you don’t have the means to do so. There are mandatory minimums, so a court appointed attorney will do just fine. In my case, the lawyer didn’t subpoena any witnesses that I asked him to, nor did he do a forensic analysis on the computer that had my files, meeting notes and HR documents that would have proven my innocence. My case in his mind was “complicated”, and went over his head. Remember, most cases in the federal case do not go to trial. So don’t waste your money on a lawyer who likely has no clue how to defend you in court. Don’t go into further debt wasting your hard earned money on a lawyer for white collar crimes.
3- Don’t be disheartened too much by what the prosecutor says about you. Their job is to win their case, and they will do and say whatever they can to make you look as bad as possible. They will exaggerate the truth, and even lie to win their case against you. They already have a path to winning in a Federal case, as they won over a Grand Jury with no checks and balances of a defense to speak your truth about the case. As I was warned, if they don’t get you on these charges, they will come up with others- the Federal government wins most of their cases. Don’t let those numbers sway you. They “win” because they present plea deals, and threaten you that if you go to trial, your sentence will be longer.
4- You are NOT defined by the crime they said you committed. In my case, the judges final words to me was “I hope that while you are in prison, you learn a trade and finally become a productive member of society”. Excuse me, what?? I was working TWO jobs at the time, one of which was serving the homeless and those with substance use disorders in Americorps, making over 6 figures a year, paying my taxes, and raising children who are wonderful humans. I have worked over 30 years in healthcare and have multiple degrees, including a Masters Degree. When I heard his words, I realized- he doesn’t know me at all. Not one bit. My case was settled before I even was presented before the judge. He already had his mind made up about me. It didn’t matter that I had proof from a forensic accountant, or emails showing reasonable doubt. It didn’t matter that I had letters of my character and work since I had left that practice. It didn’t even matter that I humbled myself in owning my mistakes at that practice. If you ever want to be truly humbled, have someone who doesn’t take the time to really know you, judge you and sentence you to federal prison.
5- Get off all social media and don’t google your name once indicted. Reporters will say all kinds of things about you once your indictment hits, most of it will be untrue and speculative. For your own mental health, just unplug. Spend time with your family, cry, go to a rage room if you need to, connect with nature.
6- Get therapy for you, your spouse and your children if needed. This is a really hard time in your life. You will feel judged, you will be angry. You will have rage, and sadness, and frustration and worry and hurt. Being federally indicted will make your life feel upside down. You will cry, you will panic, you will scream, and any vices will be exposed. Surround yourself with love. With family and friends who you trust. Don’t isolate yourself. Build a support system. I made the mistake of isolating myself, because I didn’t know what was happening, and was terrified. I also didn’t want to answer constant questions about my indictment and didn’t want to constantly think about it. So, I continued working both jobs, trying to “pretend” this was just a bad dream and that justice would prevail. This, was a mistake. I am glad I kept working, but the isolation and not letting people know what was happening was so incredibly hard for me, my husband and my kids. I didn’t want to talk about it, because it would make my family upset, but I felt so alone in NOT talking about it. Find a good therapist, and share your fears and worries with them. You are not alone. There are people who can help you get through this.
Being indicted is surreal. Being sent to prison and having a felony conviction without a trial, without the truth being presented to defend you is even crazier. But it can happen. 1 in 5 people in the United States have a “criminal” record. ONE in FIVE. Most of the women I have met at this prison should not even be here, and should not have a felony conviction. Hearing their stories of being found guilty of conspiracy charges for not giving information about someone who has committed a crime such as drug trafficking, or those who are convicted of fraud because they are the scapegoat in an organization, or many other cases is not a one-off circumstance. If you think it couldn’t happen to you- well, let me be a lesson to prove that theory wrong. You are NOT innocent until proven guilty in this country, and once convicted, it is a battle to obtain your freedom again. While the prison system depletes your will and hope, you can be resilient and thrive even out of the worst circumstances. I proudly served for this country’s freedom, and now, I am fighting for my own.
