How can you embrace change and build resilience to prepare for successful reentry into society?
As a child of a military family, I had to move every six months to a year, so change was something I learned early on in my life. I would move to a new school and make new friends, get enrolled in new afterschool activities and go new places. This taught me that nothing is permanent and everything changes. I began to love it and after my parents divorced, my mother remarried a man who still moved us around approximately every four years. This was a longer duration in one place but I still got to move on to new cities and make new friends.
Change was something I welcomed in my life. But when I went to prison, change was not necessarily a good thing. It was usually rule changes that had negative impacts on my life, or a change in the administration which always found fault in different things, or cell changes which meant new roommates after I’d just gotten used to the old one, or a change of facility which meant I’d have to acclimate to a totally different climate or morale or attitude of administration. I attended a couple of different programs early on in my prison sentence and a lot of them focused on ‘attitude’ or ‘perspective’. Saying things like, “Have an attitude of gratitude,” or “If you don’t like how things look, change your perspective.” Snappy little sayings to make the person feel like it was their fault they were unhappy when what they were staring at or living through should be something they appreciated or enjoyed. No one enjoys prison. No one appreciates being humiliated or dehumanized. But after enough changes, I could pinpoint where things went wrong and how my negative mood got worse, thereby worsening my perspective of everything around me.
Then I did a “Gratitude Challenge” where everyday I had to do different things: journal, write letters to people I appreciate, pray and thank my higher power for all the things I am grateful for – naming them one by one – and somewhere along the way, I learned to be grateful for the simplest things. Then I began starting my day and ending my day with a prayer and listing every little thing I was grateful for, starting out with something as near to me as my pillow, or my sheets that kept me warm and dry, the roommates that made me feel safe and comfortable, the room that was quiet so I could rest, etc. I worked my way out to the health of my loved ones, their ability to work and support themselves, their comfort and safety from harm or natural disaster, a country where women are free to speak their minds and live as they choose, etc. I would fall asleep feeling grateful and wake up to remind myself of that gratitude.
My days changed, my moods shifted. I became lighter and happier. I realized that every change, even the bad ones had things I could learn from or use to grow and become more resilient throughout my time. Not every change was good so maybe I had to be more creative to figure out how to do what I wanted or get what was necessary. Maybe every compound was different but I could find friends and fit in amongst several different groups so that my days were not lonely and I was not miserable. Not every facility offered the same programs so I could take different classes and learn different skills. Not every compound offered classes, period! But I could grow and change and become the teacher instead of the student.
Now I teach constantly while still trying to chase programs that might benefit me and appease the military review board that approves or disapproves parole. Even that change – having to create windows for myself by pushing the staff to have classes they’re required by statute to hold – is teaching me something: persistence, determination in the face of adversity and patience. All of these skills will be necessary once the military finally approves me for parole. Returning in to society is not the end of the journey, it’s just a new direction, another change. So I must be prepared; I must embrace change every day, even the bad ones.
