In what ways are you using your time today to prepare for success in the months, years and decades ahead?
I was sentenced to Life initially and would frequently hear officers refer to things happening on their schedule or in their time, but I always knew that this sentence was MY time. I had to examine how I wanted to use it, what I wanted to do with it. One woman pointed out that this is the only time that will be absolutely yours – the only thing you have to do is stand up for count and go to work. If you want to ignore everything else, you can. If you want to do as much as you can, you may. I didn’t need to worry about paying bills or getting the kids to day care, getting to work on time during traffic or making dinner for the husband and little ones. It was all about me. It became my most valuable commodity. So I decided that I would not be held back by my incarceration. I would do all the things I wanted to do, as much as I could and still be within the restrictions of prison. I would read whatever I wanted, I would learn as much as I could about all the things that interested me and I would still be the best person I could be by helping or teaching others. This meant that my time had to be used efficiently and to the best of my advantage.
My schedule, already structured for the convenience of the prison, became three different segments of time in which I could portion out hours for certain activities. I would work in the morning, study during lunch and then work out in the evening. As my skills or knowledge grew, my schedule had to evolve. One hour for studying, one hour for tutoring, one hour for sleeping and then lunch. In the afternoon it was more tutoring, more studying and then some fun activities so I didn’t get burnt out. The fun activities also gave me a way to socialize and talk about the things I thought were important to me: politics, economics, business, pursuit of goals, parenting from prison, etc. And this way I could grow my circle to include people who didn’t need tutoring, per se, but needed guidance in life. Or even just needed some friends.
After several years I cast my net in a different direction and learned how to paint and draw. I would spend hours practicing and found a new peace that I’d only found in the dark room with my chemical baths and photo negatives. Once I was able to execute a portrait I realized I had a skill with limitless potential. Not only could I become financially self-sufficient, but I could also provide people with a product that would enable them to stay connected to the family they’d left behind. My greatest reward was not the final payment; my greatest reward were the tears when they saw the faces of those they loved the most and could not touch or hold right next to their face, as if they were finally reunited. I also took my painting skills and went from greeting cards to large scale paintings (4’x4′). I had evolved from painting cards for mother’s day or valentine’s day to painting murals on walls in the children’s room at visitation. I also got involved in creating works of art for annual Correctional Workers Conferences outside of prison that spotlighted mothers in prison, separated families, and sexual abuse in prison.
My teaching also evolved from GED skills to Spanish skills to crafting or painting and drawing skills. The final evolution was to learn how to train dogs. As a person in prison I’d taken so much from society, contributed little of value, and had become a burden on society since they still had to pay to incarcerate me. Now though, in the federal dog program that trained canines to become companions to people with disabilities, I could give back to the larger community, not just my prison community, in a way that would positively affect both the person and the dog. The dogs loved the attention and they were the highlight to my time in prison. It felt wonderful to be able to do something so positive, even while still incarcerated and limited by prison walls. Recently I saw still photos of an Instagram video of the first dog I trained, Pierce, on the Can Do Canines Website. He was displaying his skills as a diabetic assist dog and in each action he performed to assist his person who had diabetes began with some smaller skill we had trained him to do while he was with us at the prison. I cried because I had done that. I had helped him realize the potential to assist someone with a disability live a fuller, more independent life. Nothing was more gratifying.
Now I focus on helping women earn their GEDs so they, too, can become more independent, show their children how to pursue their goals in the face of adversity, ensure they have the necessary paperwork to secure employment, and feel more confident about themselves. I still structure my days into three segments so I can stay organized and efficient and make the most out of every day. I still make cards or create portraits for women to stay connected to their families. I still look forward to the next person who needs help and I’m now leading a group of women in my unit to be mentors, and help others set smart goals, make good decisions and make positive progress.
