Mr. Santos talks extensively about resilience in his Newsletters and the books he’s published. It is a concept every prisoner must internalize and adopt to ensure they pursue success no matter what obstacles they face. And while everyone’s version of “success” may be different, there is no doubt that obstacles will arise.
Recently, I experienced a huge personal obstacle. For years, my release plan had some version of parole or clemency that would have me releasing to my mother’s home (after time in a halfway house).
My mother and her husband live in a nice community in Florida. Both are retired but my mother’s health is not good and a good percentage of her life has been spent in pain. We all discussed my return to her home after being gone for 30+ years where I could reintegrate to society as well as help care for her.
I looked forward to doing things with my mother whether it would be driving her to doctor’s appointments or taking her to get her hair and nails done. We’d discussed water aerobics and how I would train dogs to help with some of their mobility issues.
The most recent parole/clemency hearing with the Army left my mother and her husband with the sense that I’d be granted parole soon. After the hearing my mother and her husband were in serious conversations discussing the REALITY of my arrival in their home. They had aged and become set in their ways. When my sister came for a four week visit two years ago, all of them decided that one month was too long. The following year she stayed for two weeks. Again, all agreed that a two week stay suited everyone much better. Thus, my mother and her husband realized that if I lived in their home, I would disrupt their comfortability. So this was not a reality they were prepared to follow through with; they had to rescind that offer of a bedroom in their home.
It was not an easy decision for them to make, nor is it an easy obstacle for me to overcome. I had to deal with both the emotional blow as well as the challenges I now faced in creating a new release plan from scratch. One might conclude that I could find a place near them to continue the plans we’d made and just live under another roof to accommodate their desire to live alone. However, I had to think outside the box because Florida is not a state that is felon friendly, nor do they have a lot of resources for felons transitioning from prison to society. If I was not returning to my mother’s home, why remain locked in to a state that would not welcome me with assistance? And after almost 30 years in prison, I would need a lot of assistance.
So I started looking at the other states and what they had to offer. I immediately identified my skills and translated it into job readiness. I also assessed my support system. I have several friends but they’re spread out across the country – two in Minnesota, three in southern California, one in Texas, one in Indiana, one in Connecticut – and out of those states, which were the most felon friendly? Which state would have the lowest cost of living so that if I were granted parole, I could afford to live there?
All these questions and more meant I needed to begin doing research. I sent requests to the Re-Entry Affairs Coordinator and started writing letters. Now, the biggest challenge I face is sending letters and awaiting answers. Why is that a challenge? Because so much of our society revolves around electronic communication and few people answer letters. I will take Ms. Santos’s advice about unsolicited letters and continue writing until I get a response or try to enlist the help of staff in reaching out initially so that I can follow it up independently. Once that contact is made, then we can find other ways to communicate and I can make headway in recreating my release plan.
Once again I must use the well developed muscle of resilience to overcome these new obstacles as well as a large dose of determination. I was very fortunate that my parents shared their feelings with me early enough so that I have time to do the research and get a new release plan established. I was also very happy that my parents felt comfortable enough to share their feelings with me so that we could maintain solid communication instead of doing something out of a sense of obligation. I am still working through all the emotions these changes have wrought but I know that things always turn out the way they’re supposed to, so I am content.
