When faced with adversity, how do you maintain your long term goals instead of immediate frustrations?
This was one of the questions on the Prison Professors Talent most recent Newsletters, and this question is more relevant now than ever before. As a military prisoner I have an annual parole and clemency hearing with an Army board that sits in Virginia. I am not permitted to attend this hearing but I am allowed to send representatives to speak on my behalf. They give reasons why they think I should be granted parole. For the hearing this year I had two very good friends, Renee (a former associate at Waseca) and Justin (British pen friend), accompany my mother. The hearing presented opportunities for all three to talk about what they knew of me as a person, the character I’ve displayed, and especially on my mother’s behalf, talk about the changes they’d seen in me since coming to prison.
The three of them, collectively, all thought the hearing went well and we waited with high hopes to hear good news. Unfortunately, the Army denied me parole or clemency this year. I was not surprised to hear the denial because Justin had given me a very comprehensive synopsis of the questions they asked, and the comments the panel members had made. While at Waseca, I had made some bad choices that had resulted in a serious incident report that, more than 18 months later, is still having negative repercussions on me and my chances at parole.
Now I am faced with the challenges of continuing to serve more time at FCI-Aliceville where we are frequently locked down on whims, lack of staffing, staff get-togethers, security issues, serious weather, etc. Then there is the lack of programming available at Aliceville. Under the FSA, for a person to be permitted to take classes, they have to have a “need” on their PATTERN report. The way the BOP has designed their programming, though, is that once you take one class, your “need” has been satisfied and the need is removed. You are no longer eligible for other psychology classes, you can only enroll in something educational or fitness related. I recently had to complete an Anger Management class through correspondence because of the way the institution here structures their programming. So the lack of formal options, combined with the added security of constant lockdowns, makes for a seriously adverse perspective. I must focus on what IS available to me and how I can use this next year to remain productive and positive.
The Prison Professors website, the journaling, the book reports, as well as a newly found outlet through Prison Journalism Project are all things I will devote time and energy on so that I can remain positive and productive. I have also started learning a new language and through happenstance, found someone who studied this language for three semesters in college. She won’t be in Aliceville much longer, but I’m going to try to gain as much knowledge as I can from her while she is still here. Perhaps I can then use that knowledge to teach workshops in my unit for the Peer Success Program so others can also benefit from this knowledge.
I know that now is not the time to surrender. Now is not the time to give in to negative thoughts or depression. Maya Angelou said that we may be faced with many defeats but we cannot allow ourselves to become defeated. I must face this adversity head on and arm myself with a list of things to do to stay productive and positive while I await a favorable decision from the Army.
