I want to start this entry out with the absolute truth. I am big on always telling the truth and honesty is one of my best qualities but with that being said…. I do want to try to focus on only the positive on here. I don’t want to complain or dwell on any negativity. With that being said I do want to get this truth out of the way first. My self esteem and confidence are HUGE struggles for me. It is almost always easier for me to list my downfalls other than my positive traits. I am 45 years old and after marrying young and struggling with an addcition a big part of my life I do not have a lot of job history or education. I also have a 19 year sentence so by time I get out in my 50’s I am scared to death to be starting over or honestly Finally Just starting. Now don’t get me wrong, I have worked and right before my arrest I even owned a cleaning company with my mother. I know I do have some great qualities like my honesty, I am very reliable, I follow directions well, am a team player, my patience is amazing, I am super resilient, take contructive criticsm well, and many more qaulities that would make someone lucky to have me on their team but for some reason I want to get this started by admitting where I am at right now….. which is scared to death, mainly so you and I can see my growth that I hope to accomplish by doing this.
Honestly, some of the questions even have me feeling a bit insecure and give me a fear of not measuring up. I am just putting this out there so it is one thing I am forced to work on.
With that out of the way….. Today’s question…. In what ways am I using my time to prepare for success outside… well I am commmiting to doing this which is a bit out of my comfort zone but I also am doing correspondence courses through Stratford Career Institute in Drug treatment counseling. Staying clean and sober and focusing on recovery is a huge part of me being successful on the outside and being able to help others is my goal. I am trying to find my purpose and so far as I can tell it has something to do with helping others. I feel my best when helping others. I keep a postive attitude and the gratitude attitude is a way of life for me. I try to get in any classes I feel will help me grow or even just the ones that will help pass time. I do read for leisure and read a lot of psychological thrillers but I also read self help books and educational books. I have a hunger for learning in my later years that I wish I had in my younger years. Some days I do feel like I am stuck at a stand still or even worry that I am not growing or maturing as I would if I were at home in the free world with all the responsibilities but I try everyday to keep a good attitude b/c I m a firm believer in atitude is everything. If prison teaches nothing else you will learn a great deal of patience EVERYDAY. I try to do at least one random act of kindness everyday and compliment people or express gratitude when I can or feel the need.
