I am a community member of the RDAP program here in federal prison. RDAP is an acronym for Residential Drug Abuse Program. It is one of the most comprehensive programs spanning 9 months that challenges my past ways of thinking with the aim of making better choices. Successfully completing the program grants members significant reductions off your sentence, and most men are immediately released back home upon transition out of the last phase. But as we are reminded each day, RDAP is no free lunch. We are held to a higher standard, and expected to be the role models for change.
Each day we recite a philosophy statement at the beginning and end of our community meetings. My therapist tasked me with an assignment of breaking down each line of our philosophy statement, and explain what each line means to me.
I BELIEVE. MY PAST WAS SELFISH AND DESTRUCTIVE.
Although my life has been a roller coaster of both success and bad choices, the bad choices have caused the most pain which has led to my suffering. I focus on using suffering to build mounds for positive growth. The more I turn inwardly to face understanding of why I made the choices I made, the mounds of clarity become more compacted & begin to form a mountainous peak of wisdom. The advantage of wisdom is that it brings success if applied in a timely manner.
I BELIEVE. THE POSITIVE ATTITUDES WILL HELP ME CHANGE.
I know that my attitude plays a vital role in shaping my consciousness. The more positive and optimistic I am, like a boomerang, positive situations, and positive opportunities will come back to me. My positive attitude keeps me haunted by my future goals, not my past mistakes.
I BELIEVE. IT’S TIME TO BE A BETTER SON, HUSBAND, FATHER, AND A POSITIVE MEMBER OF MY COMMUNITY.
The time for change is in the present. Despite coming to prison which can be detrimental if we allow it, I know I have a choice to either get bitter, or get better. I made a conscious choice long before I surrendered to prison that I would use this time to be a better son, father, husband, and a positive member of my community.
I BELIEVE. THERE WILL BE OBSTACLES TO OVERCOME.
For me, I have always believed in the 5 P’s. Proper Preparation Prevents A Piss Poor Performance. This is why I focus each day on working hard on my plans and preparing for success after prison. There will be road blocks and landmines scattered on life’s field, but I find strength in the preparation and action I am taking to give myself the best chance of success upon my release.
I BELIEVE. I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN MAKE THAT CHANGE.
The ball starts and ends with me. I am the catalyst for my change. My rehabilitation and evolution begins first in my awareness that my life is my responsibility. This does not mean I will not network with others for assistance, but I will network for assistance and look for those to help me in expansion only after I prove to myself and then to others that I am worthy of that assistance. I believe the harder I work on myself, the more opportunities and doors will open because I have created the opportunity for them to open through my hard work and dedication.
I WANT TO MAKE THIS CHANGE NOW.
Now is the time for change. If my journey to prison left me the same, or lesser the man than I was before I walked this road, I would hold deep regret with self. I didn’t need to come to prison to accomplish some of the goals I set for my life to achieve, but rather coming to prison “allowed me the time” to work on and accomplish these things. I often feel that if I did not come to prison, the person I’ve been working hard to evolve into, and the goals I have accomplished would not have happened. Yes, I have some days that are more productive than others. Prison life can be very mentally daunting and draining. But not a single day goes by that I am not working in the present on becoming incrementally better, and my consistency is showing the interest invested from my compounded efforts.
