So when i got to the yard at Beaumont low security it was a totally different atmosphere to deal with. everybody seemed to be in my business an i wasn’t used of that. not only that but i was forced to run with the sex offenders that occupied the yard by the non sex offenders as there were very few natives around to have our own group. not only that but when i went to the sweat lodge there was nothing but south of the border Mexicans who didn’t even speak English so in a sense i was completely alone.
Because i have to register as a sex offender when i get out because of the nature of my crime people automatically assumed i was a child molester as if i made a career out of it on the streets. thats not who i am and definately not what i did as a recreational activity. i helped my big brother raise his two nieces and son as well as my own son and made sure their environment was safe from such predators. and in prison especially the low security prisons i have been forced to live next to individuals whose whole life seem to revolve around victimising children and being totally okay with it. i have talked to them and learned that many would have continued to persue victimizing children had they not been caught and probably will continue when they are released because many, not all, but many dont feel like they are really criminals. this makes me sick. and i have learned to never ask the next man what he is in prison for because i am afraid of the answer. most times they lie anyways hoping i wont look too closely.
then i have the non sex offenders who are court testifiers. and even the ones who have “clean” paper work but are jail house rats. and then you have the many different gang organizations that believe it is okay to report the illegal actions of other groups to the law as long as they dont tell on their own group because that would be ratting.
the whole prison system for high security to camp is full of hypocrites, liars, thieves, undercover homosexuals, unrepentant pedophiles, and corrupt correctional officers. and they have the audacity to look down on me. to judge me without shining that righteous light on themselves for fear that their own true self with been seen by the world. and then you have the internet bullies who choose to say things about me to my family on face book about things they will never understand to hurt and antagonize them thinking to satisfy their own sick urges to feel better about themselves.
i have little time left on my sentence and i have been blessed to recieve benifits from First Step Act and Second Chance Act when many others who i believe are more deserving of it havent. and when i get out i have to start all over with nothing but hope and dreams. start life over with all the crap people have been saying about me over the years thinking me afraid to stand up and face it. i will not give in to the words people say and what they might do to bring me down to their level. i will live to help my family in the struggle to survive and hopefully they will accept my help. i will stay true to who i know i am and look back on this prison sentence as a bad dream. the mistakes i have made during that time i can only pray to have given me chance to learn through those failures and shame a better way to live and not make them again.
i will not be too proud to accept help from those who offer their hand to help me re-adjust to life outside these wall. and most of all i do not fear leaving all of this behind like many do after having done such a lengthy amount of time. i cant wait to get out of prison because this is no way for a human being to live. the system is flawed on so many levels but it is all we have to go by and i have made it this far. when i leave prison it will be to never return. nothing will ever change my mind about that.
