Dr. Gary Chapman proposes the idea that everyone perceives love differently and gives 5 Languages of Love that we all fall under.
#1 is Words of Affirmation: Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words “I love you”, is important-hearing the reasons behind that love send your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgiven.
#2 is Quality Time: For those whose love language is spoken with Quality Time, nothing says “I love you”, like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there with the tv off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby make them feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.
#3 is Receiving Gifts: Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed bday, anniversary, or hasty, thoughtless gifts would be disastrous, and so would the absence of everyday gestures.
#4 is Acts of Service: Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she wants to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.
#5 is Physical Touch: This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy, hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder or face-they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.
Most couples get married when they still have that euphoric “in love” feeling–when that euphoric feeling evaporates and the couples’ differences begin to emerge, they often find themselves in conflict. With no positive plan for resolving conflicts, they resort to speaking harshly to each other. Harsh words create feelings of hurt, disappointment, and anger. Soon, the couple begins to resent each other. When the couples are introduced to the 5 Love Languages, they can discover why they lost those romantic feelings and they can rekindle the loving feelings. I learned a lot about myself through this book that I didn’t know and loved ones and knowing that everyone has a love language…it is fun to show my kids and loved ones love through their preferred love language.
