Book Report for Ryan Curving 34832-510
Title: Angry Men
Author: Lynne McClure
Date Read: May 10 th 2024
Why I Read It: Wanted to learn more on how to manage anger and live a happier life.
What I Learned Reading this Book? I learned how to utilize different techniques in
managing anger. Many Techniques show how to use the proper technique in the correct situation.
It teaches how to analyze the situation and more from one of many different remedies to the
issue.
Summary- The book starts off with a series of situations, demonstrating different levels
of anger. After the situations are read, chapter 2 goes into taking care of your own anger. How
you feel and what you do (Feeldo.) Feeldo describes what a person does when angered. They
first felt anger and went from feelings to do something. However, it goes on to say, put space
between your anger and how you act towards it. The book goes on and describes multiple ways
people try to control their emotions. There are seven ways specified which are:
- Acted out Anger- taking the anger out physically)
- Irresponsible Anger- Person becomes made when holding him responsible
for something - Self-Centered Anger- Person is angry that he has to follow rules as
everyone else - Two Faced Anger- nice when face to face but works against them behind
their back - Rigid Anger- one who uses anger as a way to control you
- Drinking/ Drugging Anger- Angry as a result of alcohol or drugs he/she
been partaking in, making his anger worse - Delusional Anger- what makes a person anger is not real, a delusion or
possibly a hallucination.
In response to the ways people try to control your reactions, there is a series of skills you
have to take into account to resolve the issue.
Skill 1. Decide whether to talk now- when angry, first you must decide whether you wish
to resolve the issue eventually or do you want to stay angry at them for forever?
Skill 2. Talk to the right person. Decide whether you both want to talk things over. Most
people talk about the issue to other people, rather than going to the person they have the issue
with. If you go to the person and focus on what they did that made you angry, keep the
conversation to the issue and not about the general anger towards them.
Skill 3. Pay Attention to their feelings- first thing you must do is pay attention to their
feelings which will cause two different things to occur. 1 st they will feel as if they matter which
will cause them to feel less defensive, less threatened, and less likely like that you want to win.
They will be more open to listen and talk. People will believe in what you say by the way you
convey it. If you don’t convey what you’re trying to say and how you say it, no matter what you
say, they can’t believe or trust in you.
Skill 4. Find something in common- if you’re not able to find something in common with
the person, finding something in common is important because it finds mutual ground. When
beneficial for both, it becomes easier for both to come to an understanding. Before speaking with
the other, they need to develop what that common ground is such as marriage, outdoors,
camping, etc. You can start off by starting off with what you have in common before engaging
into the main issue at hand.
Skill 5. Depersonalize the Situation- Don’t take things personally. When taking the issue
personally, there is no separation between the person and issue. In order to do so, you have to use
the space technique on how you feel and what you do. So, attempt to not make it personal by,
1. Remind yourself that it’s not about you, it’s about something you did or said.
2. Decide how much his anger about what I did or said and how much anger is about him.
You have to look back and see if what you did or said hurt him in some way. Try to measure
how much of his Anger is about him since some people go through their day angry. Then try to
find an outlet to release their anger so you have to figure out what the anger is stemming from
before you know how to resolve it.
3. Ask yourself if what you think is really going on? Make sure what you hear is actually
what is going on. People may know part of the issue and manufacture the missing pieces to the
puzzle. Before making assumptions, make sure the other person is, or is not angry with you
before approaching the individual.
4. Do not make it Personal. Take your personal feelings out of the situation and try to
make a resolution which will benefit both involved. A way to depersonalize the situation is to
own your anger (be truthful and say “I’m mad at you” instead of “you made me mad.”) Talk
about his actions or words, not about him. So, in other words, tell the individual exactly why
you’re mad instead of calling him names. For example, don’t call the individual stupid but rather
say I’m upset because you did xyz to me. Also, find out what’s behind their action or words. Ask
questions as to why he did a specific action or ask why he said certain things about you on the
situation. By Asking, you will be able to get his point of view rather coming to your own
conclusions. Lastly, talk about changes you want. Even though, you may not be able to control
what it is.
Skill 6. Get to the real issue when angry. There are two levels to the issue. The first level
refers to the details of how you’re angry, As the second level refers to the possible meaning to
you. An example given in the book was being cutoff on the highway (details) and the second
level is what it means to you. (you’re nothing- You’re less of a person than he is.) To resolve the
issue, get to the root of the issue and not what you think the issue is or was.
Skill 7. Dropping the Grudge- when you’re Angry? There are three important parts of
dropping the grudge. First, remember to depersonalize, remembering what ever was done to you,
wasn’t about you, it was about him. Both parties know how the other feels and no need to go
over the stuff over and over again. When you do what you say you’re going to do, you’re doing
what you said you would do in order to work things out. You have nothing to lose when the other
person doesn’t do their part, they do because they allowed their anger to boss them around.
Secondly, denial relates to you not seeing how the grudges hold control of you. If you don’t
release the grudge, they will control you. Giving up your grudge will allow you to take back your
thoughts and won’t let you focus on the negative but the positive. It don’t, it takes up your time,
money, and your health. While giving up your grudges it may be painful, causing you to go
through anger, fear, and sadness, guilt and depression. All of them are hurtful feelings which
make it difficult to go through the healing process and forgetting grudges.
Third part to dropping the grudge is when the other individual doesn’t want to mend the
issue and wants to put you down. As you hold in your grudges and lose more control of your
anger, you must admit you’re angry, depersonalize, let yourself hear and most importantly
getting back to life.
The book Angry men goes over detailed ways how to identify anger in a conflict and
different ways to resolve the issue. Many of the techniques make you look into your beliefs and
feelings in each of the conflicts. Shows proven ways to resolve the conflict as well as not
allowing yourself to hold grudges as well as heal from the conflict. Angry Men gives over twenty
examples of conflict and how to use the seven skills to utilize when you are angry. I enjoyed the
book because it gave examples which I could relate to and would feel similar to those involved.
It also gave me ways to not allow my anger to take over resolving the issue. I will these skills in
my next conflict.
To me, this opened my eyes in resolving issues when I’m angry or would hold grudges
against the other person. This book is good for those who get angry quickly and hold on to their
issues. Enjoy and hopefully you will get something to use in your next conflict.
