Why I read this book:
I can’t think of a much greater fall than going to prison. With that in mind, I invested time leading up to it identifying people who helped me stay in a good headspace. Some of these people were known to me and many were not. Not long before I began serving my sentence I watched a TED Talk by Brene Brown. It was my first exploration into TED and I wasn’t exactly sure where to look to find someone inspiring who was relatable. Then, I found Brene. One of the most likeable things about Brene is that she’s real and tells her story in a very authentic way. It’s refreshing to witness someone who’s an expert in a particular field also navigate challenges and growth in her own life. Her talk resonated with me and I wanted to read her books. Prior to going to prison, I provided my book wish list to my family. Brene’s books made the list!
The book’s meat and potatoes (summary):
Rising Strong focuses on overcoming dark times, struggles and failures (as our culture defines them). It’s about living a brave life. Some of the world’s most respected and successful leaders have overcome failures with such success that many of us don’t realize they ever fell down in the first place. I love Brene’s style. She doesn’t sugarcoat things or ignore the elephant in the room. Interestingly, Brene’s style is brave and energizing. Brene shares numerous examples of individuals and couples who use Rising Strong philosophies in their personal and professional lives. She compares and contrasts various outcomes based purely on how we choose to deal with given situations. Often it’s as simple as openly communicating with someone versus creating our own version of a story. She tells the story of when she and her husband went swimming. While comical, it highlights the dangers in making assumptions without all the facts. Rather than ask questions of someone, we try to guess or assume what they might be thinking or feeling. And, we often do so through a very microscopic self-focused lens. Even small inaccuracies in our interpretation can have a tremendous, lasting impact.
Whether it’s falling short in relationships, in a career or with our own established personal goals, we all fall down at some point. Rising Strong is about navigating life’s hard lessons in a way that reflects courage and strength. A way in which our character is strengthened, ego is set aside and humility is embraced. Rising in a way that makes room for the painful discomfort of emotions associated with the fall, but also leveraging those to launch growth.
How Rising Strong prepared me for success after prison:
The short answer – it helped me in every single way. As I dedicated each day in prison to self-reflection, in the absence of family and friends, I delved into many parts of myself that I’d spent decades dodging. In the real world, I had limitless means of distracting myself. Let’s be honest, it’s what many of us do. Avoidance is a skill developed with years of practice and becomes one of our Go-To survival strategies. As Brene says, “We can’t rise strong when we’re on the run.” Although the feelings of loss, shame, anger and fear were always present I worked diligently to show a fearless and stoic woman. Those feelings didn’t magically disappear, they manifested through chronic anxiety resulting in insomnia, irritability, impatience and frustration. I spent exhaustive energy trying to appear as if I had it all together, as if getting up after a fall was only considered a success if I did so with such grace that nobody noticed. Don’t get me wrong, I’m emotional and sensitive, but openly wearing emotions shows vulnerability and showing vulnerability shows weakness. And, weakness leads to hurt. Or does it? The old me believed it did, but I was wrong – very wrong. Brene’s book conveys the importance of living with vulnerability because it’s the path to enrichment. In avoiding vulnerability, we deprive ourselves of the opportunity to experience deeper meaningful connections. Since then, very few days pass when I don’t evaluate my personal progress as it relates to being vulnerable.
Final thoughts:
When you think you’ve messed up beyond repair, this book offers insights to change that. If your past mess-ups have resulted in deep seeded fear preventing you from truly experiencing joy and contentment, I encourage you to invest a time in yourself and consider the wisdom of someone like Brene. As she says, “The middle is messy, but it’s also where the magic happens.” Her words and style left a lasting impact on me and I’m looking forward to reading her next book.
