7 Habits of highly effective people by Stephen R Covey, happens to be a very popular book inside of prison. I have taken his course twice, once through the Education department as an ACE class and in Psychology service. I originally took the courses in April of 2019. I recently picked the book back up because it’s being offered as a course to be taught in Psychology services here at Williamsburg FCI. As a Peer specialist, we are tasked to help cofacilitate certain course. One of the Senior Peer Specialist will be Cofacilitating the course under the direction of Psychology staff. In the spirit of comradery, we all decided to retake it. This is to familiarize ourselves with the material and better help the students participating in the courses. And potential cofacilitate it in the future. I want to reiterate the habits to myself, and in doing so I refreshed the principles in my mind to help me further the goals I set forth for myself.
Habit 1- Be Proactive: Well, reading the book again taught me that I am already exercising the first habit. I had to take the initiative and act. I had to recognize that I have certain responsibilities that I had been neglecting. Sometimes we become complacent and lose sight of this habit that why it is very important to be proactive and practice exercising initiative daily.
It’s also great to exercise Proactive language to positively reinforce your thought in order to maintain that focus. Reactive langue can hinder you from doing so, so always practice Proactivity!
Habit 2- Begin with the end in mind: I learned with this principle a very valuable lesson, one in which I wish I’d known years ago. Sadly, If I would have been privy to this information back then, perhaps I wouldn’t be incarcerated now. But hindsight is 20/20. I think it is important for us as people who want to achieve great things in our lives to take a look into our future. To see what we want to do and what we ultimately want to accomplish. That is the premise of this habit. To foreshadow, see what the end goal is. To see what the end of our life will yield, what our behaviors will render us into, how our habits will shape the days ahead. To know exactly where you destination lies. Become a leader. Lead yourself and others in a direction of success. Practice self awareness and understand where you want to go in life.
Habit 3- Put first things first: I focused on the time management aspect of this habit, Independent will, and effective management
Habit 4- Think win/win: I really enjoyed this principle. I don’t want to lose. Not because I am a sore loser. But I’ve already lost so much in my life. Career, Family, Freedom, Parenthood, Spouse and for a change I would like to win. I want to win by all means necessary. And this philosophy will carry me into a new and more productive lifestyle. I have last almost two decades of my life so a win is very much needed. It’s not a contest with me, its a measure of success for me. I chose to win back all the things I lost and appreciate them more than I ever did before. I want to earn back me life and maintain it properly. I also learn how win/lose thinking has affect the way I view life and love. Why can’t we all win? Why does someone always have to lose in the situation. Why can’t why al l become successful. Sometimes people see how successful a person is and they can’t stand it. They would rather take from them than to learn how they got to where they are and become successful as well. That is irrational thinking. Criminal thinking. I used this principle to change my core beliefs and become a better me.
Habit 5- Seek first to understand, then to be: Communication is the most important skill in life. Most people don’t have any training in listening, which is actually a skill. Active listening is a skill that I learned when I took an IPC course with my Pastor when I was in Mannheim Germany. He told me to effectively communicate you have to listen but show that you are engaged and that you’re listening and you can accomplish that by repeating phrases back to the speaker to show them you understand what they are conveying to you. Ex. So what I hear you’re saying is that you will call me at 5pm and give me all the details I need to accomplish the task you asked of me. Now that person can say with confidence that you heard them and know exactly what they spoke about.
You have to deeply understand a person and listen, empathetically so that you can help them in the best way possible. If you care about what a person speaks about and show them that compassion and care, it can strengthen the relationship you have with them tremendously. The Author talks of an emotional bank account. So it’s basically investing in a persons emotional needs and receiving what they are putting out.
Habit 6- Synergize: What is that? The whole is greater than it sum or parts. I was very confused when I first read this chapter. It took me a minute to grasp everything in it. It was confusing because it seem to be like a parable out of the Bible to me, but I stuck it out. What I interpreted from continuing on was that synergy is vital to every part of my day. The author speaks that in synergy the relationship that the parts have to each other is a part in of itself. It is not only a part, but the most catalytic, most empowering, and most unifying and exciting. It revealed to me that you have to have an open hear and open mind. That to me means that you have to be willing, first of all, to allow things into you being. I, myself had a hard time allowing people into my heart or getting close as a teen. Moving around a lot made me numb from the constant adjusting and uprooting. I had trust issues. I wasn’t very openminded about certain things. I didn’t value differences. But with synergy, you have to value them. The express a concept of meeting in the middle. Which is about finding a solution that both parties can agree upon which won’t compromise the integrity and foundation of the relationship. I had to take a deep look inside and realize I need to allow people into my heart and mind because I can’t do everything alone.
Habit 7- Sharpen the saw: It’s about expressing all four motivations and all four dimensions of our nature. Physical, Mental, Spiritual, and Social/Emotional. The same principle that works with building muscles is the same one that is used with building emotional muscles as well, such as patience. When you exercise patience, beyond your past limits, the emotional fibers are broken, nature overcompensates and then the next time the fiber becomes stronger.
That resonated the most with me because it gave me a clear understanding of why I could find relevance in the emotional mental and spiritual struggles I was experiencing being incarcerated. Dealing with the desolation, despair, and depression I was sustaining throughout the months and years away from my son, my parents, siblings and friends. I understood that that suffering wasn’t in vain, that I suffered but I could turn it into power, the power to change my beliefs and my thoughts and utilize it as a vehicle to drive into a new way of living. And in that I began to think and live different and that led to the process of my change.
How I plan to use these tools from this book is to keep in mind that I can incorporate each habit into my daily life and practice doing so by referring back to the book. I plan to use these tool to further my goals and to help others with the things I’ve learned. By teaching others it will help me adequately practice and memorize each set of skills and keep them fresh into my daily routine.
