Book Report: Wild at Heart – Discovering the secret of a man’s soul by John Eldredge
Every once in a while you come across a book that has a huge impact on your life, is life changing, seems like it is talking right to you, your situation and the struggles and challenges you are going through or experiencing. It was so good and so impactful that I actually read it in it’s entirety twice.
To me, I feel like it is a very challenging thing right now to be a white, Christian male in this time in history and in our current American culture. We have been reduced down to be a safe, controlled, nice guy who completes all his duties with the platitudes that life is “okay”, everything is fine even when it is really off the rails!
So John Eldredge introduces this concept that every man needs an adventure, a battle to fight and a beauty to share it with. This is in contrast and similarity to the female heart, which he feels based on what he observes through Scripture, is designed to be fought for, shares in an adventure and is truly delighted in.
In regards to the Battle to Fight concept, he feels we as men are fighting for our Spiritual Freedom. The Enemy is lurking around like a lion seeking to kill, steal, and destroy. How can the Enemy accomplish this? By whispering in our ear that we’re not good enough, we won’t be able to do it, because the enemy fears us, especially when we are against everything he is for.
We represent a danger to him and his plans or schemes, and where he ultimately wants to separate us, our wife and children from our Heavenly Father. It is literally a spiritual war!
The man’s masculinity is often very wounded, for various reasons, but usually beginning or stemming from incidents in our childhood and then when we get to the age of 12-18, we haven’t introduced successfully into our culture the concept of transitioning or initiation from boyhood into manhood, which would ultimately be accomplished by the young man’s father and other strong adult males that have been in the boy’s life. Tribal cultures do a very good job of this. So when this is not done and dad has not reinforced this transition to manhood it leaves the young man uncertain if he is enough or does he have what it takes… Couple this with a society that supports being very controlled, safe and the perception of having it all together and everything is okay (hiding or posing), with no real masculine friends to share our struggles with, leaves us falling into either a violent trap or a submissive trap, which in turn both slowly or quickly destroy a marriage, children, and the family unit. All the while the man is turning to other vices to cover his pain like TV, sports, pornography, work, affair(s), drugs, drinking, etc….
The end result is a hollow, cold, distant and unpassionate man or husband. Females (wife or mother) along the way may try to make him feel more like a man in different aspects, but the unfortunate end result is that a female can never bestow masculinity. If it is the mother trying, it creates almost an emotional incest and if it is the wife, often the man will feel that he can never measure up to her expectations.
So what’s the solution? In a perfect world ideally the boy’s father would aid in this important transition from boy to man and mom would let him go on his own, especially emotionally, and support the transition. Then a successful masculine experience would be continually reinforced by the man embarking on periods of adventure, ultimately outdoors with the goal of communing and getting closer to God. It would also be reinforced by the realization that he is also in a constant battle with the enemy for his own life, his wife’s and his children’s, so suiting up with the Armor of God daily and preparing himself daily with his devotional time praying, reading the Word, worshipping and taking this all very seriously. This is all coupled sharing his strength and adventure with his beauty (wife). This requires making her feel known, heard and delighted in, and sacrificially continuing to pour into her and fight for her against the schemes of the enemy.
If this manhood transition is not carried out successfully then we must go into our wounds and do the hard work with God and forgive or seek forgiveness and then continually abide in the vine (God) in the future, while releasing control over our own lives.
Like I had mentioned previously, this book has been very impactful as I see that my father never really allowed me the opportunity to transition from boy to man. Now, I did/do have a great father, who has been unconditionally loving and present, but maybe not as intentional as he could or should have been, which probably had a lot to do with the fact that he really didn’t have a dad. So my mom overcompensated and tried to help control this duty filled safe life while somewhat disrupting our marriage. And because I was turning to my wife to find validation and trying to continually please her and my parents I always felt like this little boy who was always failing and I needed to try harder and do more. Meanwhile, I was not paying any attention to my heart, soul and spirit for the most part and renewing myself in nature. Worse, I wasn’t taking seriously the spiritual battle at play over my life, my wife’s and my children’s and battling on their behalf daily. I will also spend more time letting my wife know that she is known, delighted in, she is a ravishing beauty and welcome to join in our adventure.
